Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion
Athletes are essential representatives and
embassadors
of conduct for young Correct your spelling
ambassadors
people
. However
, some people
tend to believe that this
is incorrect as they do not impact individuals’ lives. As far as I am concerned, although
some people
not
believe in it, sports have a remarkable influence Add a missing verb
do not
in
the Change preposition
on
life
of the younger generation. This
essay will debate both viewpoints.
First of all, the notion that many players use ililcit
drugs , Correct your spelling
illicit
as well as
, some use performance-enhancing drugs to compete favourably in events. This
has driven many youths into drug reliance. For example
, Diego Maradona is a well-known soccer player who were
greatly admired for her talent in the field and brought popularity to Argentina. Change the verb form
was
However
, behind the scenes, he became a drug addict and he was model
to other minors. Correct article usage
a model
Therefore
, this
culture of role-models has brought devastating consequences
On the other hand
, the
athletes who have a purpose in Correct article usage
apply
life
, follow their dreams and are committed can become an advocate of commitment, resilience and power. Sport can change lives not only in muscular and physical development,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
in mental behaviour and styles. According to
a
research undertaken after the Rio 2016 Olympic Games, the University of São Paulo found out that 43,000 Remove the article
apply
people
started a sport in extra-curricular class
in Fix the agreement mistake
classes
Brasil
. Correct your spelling
Brazil
This
leads to people
engaging with better
quality of Correct article usage
a better
life
. Thus
, sportspeople can become positive ambassadors of positive attitudes.
In conclusion, despite the fact of
some Change preposition
that
people
do not believe of
the power of athletes being Change preposition
in
a
role Correct article usage
apply
model
to juveniles, it is Fix the agreement mistake
models
unconceivable
to realise that sports can make a positive impact Correct your spelling
inconceivable
in
Change preposition
on
people
’s life
. Some detrimental examples of sportspeople should not outstanding Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
positive Correct article usage
apply
role-models
.Correct your spelling
role models
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task response
The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at discussing both viewpoints, but the arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth. Ensure to expand on each point and provide more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a clear focus and do not effectively frame the main points. Work on crafting a stronger introduction and conclusion and establishing a more cohesive structure throughout the essay.