Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion

Athletes are essential representatives and
embassadors
Correct your spelling
ambassadors
of conduct for young
people
.
However
, some
people
tend to believe that
this
is incorrect as they do not impact individuals’ lives. As far as I am concerned,
although
some
people
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
believe in it, sports have a remarkable influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
life
of the younger generation.
This
essay will debate both viewpoints. First of all, the notion that many players use
ililcit
Correct your spelling
illicit
drugs ,
as well as
, some use performance-enhancing drugs to compete favourably in events.
This
has driven many youths into drug reliance.
For example
, Diego Maradona is a well-known soccer player who
were
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was
show examples
greatly admired for her talent in the field and brought popularity to Argentina.
However
, behind the scenes, he became a drug addict and he was
model
Correct article usage
a model
show examples
to other minors.
Therefore
,
this
culture of role-models has brought devastating consequences
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
athletes who have a purpose in
life
, follow their dreams and are committed can become an advocate of commitment, resilience and power. Sport can change lives not only in muscular and physical development
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
in mental behaviour and styles.
According to
a
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apply
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research undertaken after the Rio 2016 Olympic Games, the University of São Paulo found out that 43,000
people
started a sport in extra-curricular
class
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classes
show examples
in
Brasil
Correct your spelling
Brazil
.
This
leads to
people
engaging with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
quality of
life
.
Thus
, sportspeople can become positive ambassadors of positive attitudes. In conclusion, despite the fact
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
some
people
do not believe
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the power of athletes being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
to juveniles, it is
unconceivable
Correct your spelling
inconceivable
show examples
to realise that sports can make a positive impact
in
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on
show examples
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some detrimental examples of sportspeople should not outstanding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive
role-models
Correct your spelling
role models
show examples
.
Submitted by robertanvieira on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at discussing both viewpoints, but the arguments are underdeveloped and lack depth. Ensure to expand on each point and provide more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a clear focus and do not effectively frame the main points. Work on crafting a stronger introduction and conclusion and establishing a more cohesive structure throughout the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exemplify
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • humble beginnings
  • motivate
  • inspire
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • negative behavior
  • drug abuse
  • unlawful activities
  • sensationalizes
  • unrealistic
  • unattainable standards
  • material success
  • skewed value system
  • high visibility
  • magnifies
  • faults
  • misleading
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