IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

it is fair that sports celebrities make more money than other professionals

The debate regarding the fact that
sports
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 celebrities make more
money
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 than other
professionals
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 is a debate that always sparked controversy around the subject. In the present essay, I will present my views and my own opinion on whether it is fair or not that
people
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 who win in
sports
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 earn more
money
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 than the
people
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 who
work
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 hard in other sectors. One could claim that it is correct for
people
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 from the
sports
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 industry to have more
money
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 than other
people
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 who
work
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 hard because usually
sports
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professionals
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 win a greater amount of
money
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 from advertisement contracts and from their
image
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 and not so much from the sport itself. Compared to the majority of
people
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 who
work
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 normal jobs and earn only a monthly salary and maybe some bonuses and cannot really sell their
image
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 or compared with entrepreneurs who need more clients for their products or services in order to make more
money
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. So, some could conclude that it is fair that
sport
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sports
show examples
professionals
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 make more
money
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 because they get to sell their
image
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 so the
money
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 does not come from the profession itself, but from other means, but there is
also
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 the disadvantage that they have to be very careful on what they are doing in their private
life
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. To be more precise, it is very easy to lose
money
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 when their
image
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 suffers from scandals. Another point of view of the debate sustains that it is not fair that
sports
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people
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 earn a greater amount of
money
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 than other hard-working men or women because the
sports
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professionals
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 do not produce value for society through their activity. They do not create goods or services that make
people
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’s
life
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 easier. So the payment for their
work
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 should be proportionate to the value they create in the world, which is pretty low, having into consideration that they only train themselves and participate in competitions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a significant amount of
sports
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people
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 get involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 scandals in order to make themselves famous and to earn some
money
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 from ads and TV appearances, so again
this
Linking Words
 is not a correct way to earn more
money
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 than other
people
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 that have meaningful professions
such
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 as scientists,
for example
Linking Words
. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is fair that
sports
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professionals
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 earn more than other
professionals
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 because they do not get to have the ordinary
life
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 that other professions get to have. The
sports
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people
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 have to commit to a special diet, everyday
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
,
lots
Correct word choice
and lots
show examples
 of competitions and they have to pay attention to their
image
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 too, at what they do in their private
life
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, in order to not lose the
money
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 they make from their
image
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. So, it is rational to say that their
work
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 never stops. Meanwhile, other
professionals
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 can have a schedule for
work
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 and after that, they can do whatever they want in their lives and enjoy it how they would like.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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