Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinio

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In the modern era, many believe that funding for education should primarily
spent
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be spent

The verb spent after the modal verb should does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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on computers rather than paying
to
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apply

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teaching
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teach

The to-infinitive that follows the verb paying requires the base form. Change teaching to the base form.

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staff higher salaries. In my opinion,
teachers
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are still more valuable, and
allocation
Correct article usage
the allocation

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of funds should be prioritized
towards
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for

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teachers
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Firstly
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, proponents argue that spending should be shifted more towards modern technology. Expertise with computers is an essential skill which helps students in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers

It seems that career may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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as well. At present,
school
Add an article
the school

The noun phrase school seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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focuses more on theoretical knowledge
such
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as Science, History,
Economics
Correct word choice
and Economics

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, which has
a
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apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun usage in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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very limited usage in their future career. Though
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Though. Consider removing the comma.

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specialization with modern technology is a key skill which is important for survival and better opportunities
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add the comma(s)
,However

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter However. Consider adding the comma(s).

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,
this
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thinking neglects the key findings in numerous studies that wide scope of knowledge is more important than early specialization.
On the contrary
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, many individuals have a strong
believe
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belief

The word believe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in
traditional
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the traditional

The noun phrase traditional method seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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method of teaching. In
today
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today's

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world, many pupils are inspired
from
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by

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their
teachers
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and considered them
as
Change preposition
apply

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a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models

It seems that model may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in their lives.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

share
the
Correct article usage
apply

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emotional, intellectual, and personal
connect
Replace the word
connections

The word connect doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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with students which helps in motivating, providing guidance and shaping their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers

It seems that career may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in a better way.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, investing more funding
towards
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

results in
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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hiring of more qualified
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are passionate about their work will attract more
and
Correct word choice
apply

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motivated
Add a missing verb
be motivated

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towards
Change preposition
toward

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their job. To conclude, those who are in favour of spending more
towards
Change preposition
on

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specialized computers are short-sighted as
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers

It seems that teacher may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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have
great
Add an article
a great

The noun phrase great overall impact seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overall impact. As qualified
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's

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influence and
right
Correct article usage
the right

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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assistance can make students reach heights in their life.

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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