IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that adults and young
people
Use synonyms
 should be treated equally in the eyes of law. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the statement and young
people
Use synonyms
 should give a
second
Linking Words
 chance to learn and grow in their lives from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 past mistakes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
 who are in favour of punishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 in the same way as adults will
engenders
Change the verb form
engender
show examples
 a deterring effect. The main reason for punishment is not limited to that
crime
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 a lesson for others as well not to repeat similar mistakes. As, today’s young generation is well versed with the laws and
educate
Wrong verb form
educated
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in schools regarding the penalties,
punishment
Correct word choice
and punishment
show examples
 imposed in case of committing any
crime
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, social media
also
Linking Words
 play a major role in
spread
Replace the word
spreading
show examples
 awareness and consequences among
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation through
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
show examples
 of digital helpline portals,
Me
Correct article usage
the Me
show examples
 too movement and defamation on social media. In fact,
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 has been reduced significantly as compared to the past trends.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate will increase if lack of awareness, and knowledge about the misdeeds
witnesses
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 among individuals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, punishment for the wrong should not be the only factor but self-realisation, guilt, and
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 of being a better human being and example for others should be kept in mind while declaring the verdict.
However
Linking Words
, leniency should be shown towards
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 basis age. To illustrate, Proper facilities should be given
such
Linking Words
 as education,
teaching
Correct word choice
and teaching
show examples
 of skills with respect to the area of interest to re-start their lives post imprisonment.
Thus
Linking Words
, authorities should be more considerate towards immature individuals and chances should be given to learn from their offence and re-shape
the
Change the word
their
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 once again. To conclude, authorities should provide ease towards
people
Use synonyms
 basis age and penalizing should not be the only goal perhaps
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 up an example for others not to replicate the tort and another chance for improvement should be provided.
Submitted by nidhianand31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: