IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity, however some people feel this has both positive and negative effect. Why is shopping so popular, what effect does its increase in popularity have on individual and society.

#leisure #activity #people #effect #popularity #society
As each day passes by, more and more
people
 are beginning to take up shopping as a free time activity, making it a well-known thing in big cities. Few
people
 have often argued that
this
 act of buying for fun has both its upside and downside. If you are wondering why shopping is getting so much attention and what effects it could possibly have on
people
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society at large
then
 keep reading as the
next
 paragraphs
reveals
Change the verb form
reveal
show examples
 a lot about
this
 phenomenon.
First
 and foremost, we need to understand that we are in the era of social media activity, micro-blogging and picture blogging. Almost everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to show that they are doing well and having a good time and one of the easiest ways to achieve
this
 is by going to a shopping mall to take photos whether or not one is actually shopping or window shopping. Before now, these photos remain on our
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 till we get tired of seeing them, but with the advent of social media applications,
people
 now upload these photos on their pages where thousands of other
uses
Correct your spelling
users
show examples
 will see
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
hence
 why shopping is famous. The effect of
this
 growing attitude is that while leisure buying helps a person to relax and socialize, it
also
 puts pressure on many
people
 who apparently do not have the means to do so. They feel bad and are oftentimes tempted to engage in illegal acts to get money by all means. The consequence of
this
 is an increase in
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On one hand, while fun shopping helps keep most supermalls running and profitable enough to keep the
people
 employed, it
also
 encourages reckless spending which in turn leads to poverty in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
people
 should always apply self-restraint when using social media applications and be disciplined when spending.
Submitted by bolud.akinyemi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: