IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after age 65. However, others say there should be a limitation age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, and give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#people #age #limitation #anyone #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether there ought to be an
age
Use synonyms
 limitation for
workers
Use synonyms
 or not is a topic of controversy. There is an opinion arguing that people reaching their
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 is unnecessary and folks can be active in the workforce despite their old
age
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both aspects of
this
Linking Words
 matter and express my support for the latter idea.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some individuals have the right to think
workers
Use synonyms
 should retire after
age
Use synonyms
 65.
Firstly
Linking Words
, old employees are likely to make mistakes in their working process. Since these
workers
Use synonyms
 are likely to make mistakes in their working process. Since these
workers
Use synonyms
 may have to suffer from diseases related to their brain functions and memories namely
Alzheimer
Change noun form
Alzheimer's
show examples
, errors are inevitable at
work
Use synonyms
, especially in the fields of numbers and data.
As a result
Linking Words
, their mistakes will lead to serious problems for the companies which they are working for.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the young generation may have fewer opportunities for employment if old
workers
Use synonyms
 are still working.
For example
Linking Words
, Samsung companies just employ a certain number of staff and youngsters have to compete with old employees for positions at
work
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I approve of the idea that employees can
work
Use synonyms
 whenever they want. Thanks to advancements in technology and medication, humans tend to have a longer lifespan and become healthier, so it would be a waste of human resources unless the old with good health conditions are allowed to
work
Use synonyms
. These figures can contribute to the development of the companies not only by filling the untaken positions but
also
Linking Words
 by passing lessons and experience down to the younger generation.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are some goals in one professional that require years of making effort to achieve.
Therefore
Linking Words
, forcing people to give up their jobs is unfair when they have just reached their self-fulfilment.
For instance
Linking Words
, Donald Trump became the President of the USA at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 70. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is said that people should be made to retire after
age
Use synonyms
 65, I believe that folks ought to be allowed to contribute to the workforce regardless of their
age
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 087obu0001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: