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Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you agree with the following statement? Good teachers are more important to a child's development than good parents. Use specific details to support your argument.

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At all times,
children
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 spend a lot of
time
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 studying at
school
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, while interacting with
teachers
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.
Thus
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, some people believe that excellent
teachers
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 can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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's development more than excellent
parents
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.
However
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, I would disagree with
this
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 opinion and will give more details about it.
First
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 of all,
parents
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 are the people who will stay together with their
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 till they become adults. During
this
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 long period of
time
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,
parents
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 educate
children
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, especially while
children
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 are very young. Caregivers not only teach the
right
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 way of behaviour and manners
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 nourish the
right
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 values and
attitude
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attitudes
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 for their
kid
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kids
show examples
. Meanwhile, at
school
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teachers
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 are not focusing that much on each
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children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 and their progress
of
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in
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 thinking.
For example
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, in my country's elementary schools, there are no subjects
such
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 as etiquette or
right
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 values or even self-care. The classrooms are crowded,
thus
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, the main goal for the teacher is to present their lecture.
Therefore
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, the biggest influence on
children
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's development comes from
parents
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.
Secondly
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, at
school
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children
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 mostly are taught
science related
Add a hyphen
science-related
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 subjects or arts. These subjects rarely affect
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child's
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a child's
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 thinking or
the
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apply
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outlook towards
daily
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the daily
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world's
Change noun form
world
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 life, friendships or
Correct your spelling
interactions
interation
Correct your spelling
interaction
interactions
 with different people.
Consequently
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,
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child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 is only expanding knowledge or gaining
skills
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on
Change preposition
in
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 calculating, writing,
reading
Correct word choice
and reading
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. Those
skills
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 can definitely be taught by
parents
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 at home.
Moreover
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,
children
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 spend only half of the day at
school
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 and the rest of the
time
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 can be dedicated to
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 communication and some soft-
skills
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 learning from
parents
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. To summarize, in my opinion, great
parents
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 are more important than
teachers
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 for
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 development, because
children
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 spend the most
time
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 with caregivers, who can not only develop
child
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's hard
skills
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,
such
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 as maths, reading or writing, but as well as some soft
skills
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, like well manners, behaviour,
right
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 values pack. I believe
,
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apply
show examples
 that
parents
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 are the most honest and superior
teachers
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, affecting and developing
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 brain.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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