IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that technology has made man more social and others think it has made him less social. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #technology #man
Nowadays,there is a challenging discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of
technology
 topic among people ,at the same
time
, some individuals opine more using tech could disrupt a sense of social intimacy in the community, but, others argue and allege that
technology
 has many positive effects on the social interaction around the world ,so, I am going to discuss both facets of
this
 topic to clarify it. In a beginning, It has been seen that children who have spent too much
time
 in front of computers will lead poor social communication skills ,because they do have not enough
time
 to connect with their friends and classmate and they will not
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in managing the real_life issues,
in addition
 of ,adults using smartphones too much
time
 might face some health problems related to the eyes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the blue light stems from LEDs have many side effects on human's vision and It is
demostrated
Correct your spelling
demonstrated
 by many scientific works .
However
 ,there are many benefits to using tech ,
for example
, social platforms
such
 as skype and yahoo mail could help people to keep in touch with their family and friends when they are abroad,alongside,more and easiest communication
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 long distances ,advanced
equipmets
Correct your spelling
equipment
such
 as laptops and computers from remote school can make education accessible to the countryside students ,so , society can experience more equality in education . To sum up,
although
technology
 has some drawbacks, because ,using it for unlimited hours by users could cause health issues or poor communication skills ,but , it is inevitable that
technology
 could provide more educational
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppurtinuities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in local
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 and social
medias
Change to a genitive case
media's
show examples
 network lead convenient way to international students.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: