IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #work #parks #gardens #city #center #apartment #buildings #commuters
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Nowadays,
People
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 want to reduce the
time
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traveling
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travelling
show examples
 to
work
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,
moreover
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, some
people
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 think the best way is to remove
parks
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 and
gardens
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 from the city
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center
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centre
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 with apartment buildings for
people
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 who
work
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 in the
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center
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centre
show examples
. I think building new apartment buildings is a good idea to reduce the
time
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 to go to
work
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, but I do not mostly agree to remove the
parks
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 and
gardens
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 from the
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. The essay would share why I mostly disagree with the case.
Firstly
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, removing the
parks
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 and
gardens
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 from the
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center
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centre
show examples
 can get more space to build more apartments, which can sell to
people
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 who are working downtown. Those apartments are very necessary for the workers because they can get home earlier and have more free
time
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 to take a break.
For instance
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, my father lives in a house which is far from his company, and he must travel around one hour to
work
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 every weekday, so that was the reason he looks tired when he came home.
In addition
Linking Words
, he can have more
time
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 to relax if he removes to an apartment nearby his company.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parks
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 and
gardens
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 are the best places for those children to be close to nature. They have to spend a lot of
time
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traveling
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travelling
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 to a place where close to nature if the
parks
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 and
gardens
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 disappeared.
For example
Linking Words
, The children want to picnic in a park but their city does not have any
parks
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, so those children always spend a lot of
time
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 going to
parks
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 in other cities. In conclusion, I understand the workers want to reduce the
time
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 of
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 to
work
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, but I think should have a better way to solve the problem without removing the
parks
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 and
gardens
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. These places are filled with memories of childhood of
people
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, so I hope they can keep these public places well and find out another idea to deal with the problem.
Submitted by gac7077 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
What to do next:
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