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Band 6

Some people say the most important thing about being rich is helping other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people
Some
people
 argue that the most significant of being wealthy is the opportunity that it provides to lend a hand and help the needy.
However
, I disagree with the statement because not only the rich can help
people
 but
also
 every
people
 can reach out and support different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
people
.
For instance
, being rich
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 is not fully fulfilling to
assistance
Replace the word
assist
show examples
 the service to contribute the poor
people
such
 as medical care “
blood
Correct word choice
or blood
show examples
 donate’. The benefits of donating
blood
 include helping
people
 injured in accidents, undergoing cancer treatment, and battling
blood
 diseases, among other reasons.
However
, financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 may not fully satisfy their needs, some poor
people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 eager
blood
 to save their life. Many wealthy individuals do not take the effort to learn what impoverished
people
 want. They may not need money even only one piece of
blood
. To sum up, leading
blood
Add the particle
to donate
show examples
donate
Replace the word
donation
show examples
 can
sharing
Replace the word
share
show examples
 and
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 a life overweigh worthy to donate money.
In addition
, not only the rich can help other
people
 but
also
 those from middle-to-income classes can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
For example
, Mother Teresa, who was fully supportive of poor
people
 in the world,
Change the verb form
was
show examples
were
Correct your spelling
we're
show examples
 helping them not in terms of financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
, but in terms of love.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
people
 need medical care badly in case of
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
earthquakes.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivering
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food after the war place is equally claimed overweigh to the rich.
By contrast
,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 more love for a hug and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 time to be with them is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
helping poor
people
. In conclusion, there is no relative between a person’s financial situation and
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 not
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
 to help others.
Also
, love and accompany can give
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
.
Hence
, I opined believe being rich is not the ability to help others.
Submitted by miutham on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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