IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #children #language #schools #school #outweigh
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After completion of high
school
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, young people are advised to work or travel for a
year
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 before they join their university
studies
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.
This
Linking Words
 advice has positive implications on the youths
such
Linking Words
 as saving
money
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 and gaining experiences but there are disadvantages that their motivation level of study can reduce and there is a delay
for
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in
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 career development. The core advantages of taking a gap
year
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 are collecting
money
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 for the
school
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 fee and
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
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 more about the world.
Higher
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The higher
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 level study cost more compared to
secondary
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a secondary
show examples
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school
Change the noun form
schools
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 like textbook fees and other learning material so students need to save
money
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 ahead of the commencement of their
studies
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. In
outside
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the outside
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 world, there are a lot of interesting things to explore which can give life experiences.
By travelling
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Travelling
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 to different places will give these experiences for future
studies
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. According to
recent
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a recent
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 statistic, education fees in
country
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the country
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 is increasing
7
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by 7
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% each
year
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.
Although
Linking Words
 students can gain
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 advantages,
defer
Wrong verb form
deferring
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school
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 for a
year
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 could
result
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inresult
fromresult
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 delay in
future
Correct pronoun usage
their future
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career
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careers
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 as some students are not willing to return to their study life after travelling or working for a
year
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. Nowadays, it is very competitive to get a job and employers prefer candidates who are young and experienced so it can result in adverse impacts when they
apply
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forapply
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 professional
job
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jobs
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. In our environment, there are many youths, who gave up their
potentials
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potential
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 and decide to satisfy with their current positions.
As
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In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, taking a gap
year
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 can benefit if people gain life lessons while travelling or collect enough
money
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 for their
Linking Words
third level
Add a hyphen
third-level
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studies
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. But it should neither lead youths to give up their
studies
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 which will lead them better future nor delay
in
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apply
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their careers.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Enhance
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Pronunciation
  • Mimic
  • Native-like accent
  • Cultural awareness
  • Sensitivity
  • Exposure
  • Resource allocation
  • Qualified
  • Effective instruction
  • Overwhelmed
  • Curriculum
  • Undermining
  • Mother tongue
  • Prioritizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: