IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with their academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Acquisition of
skills
Use synonyms
 is necessary in our daily living. It is often believed that children of
school going
Use the right word
school-going
show examples
 age should incorporate learning of
skills
Use synonyms
 into their regular studies . I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay is going to explain more
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 my viewpoint.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, learning
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
skills
Use synonyms
 is essential as it will help broaden the
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
show examples
. Learning
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a skill involves the use of the mind
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 helps in ways
such
Linking Words
 as problem solving, improves our way of thinking and boosts the quality of our lives as well. Most individuals with
skills
Use synonyms
 are
self reliant
Use the right word
self-reliant
show examples
 and Independent as well because they are exposed to the job market. In most
instances
Add a comma
instances,
show examples
 school children who take up some skill do
well
Rephrase
better
show examples
 in class than their colleagues who are not trained in any other field.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one can earn a living from the acquisition of new
skills
Use synonyms
. Training of students in fields
such
Linking Words
 as car maintenance, bead making and hairdressing reduces
over dependence
Use the right word
overdependence
show examples
 of these children on their parents and the government at large.A
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 person can be
self employed
Use the right word
self-employed
show examples
 and stand the chance of gaining employment in different
organizations
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organisations
show examples
 as compared to one who has no
skills
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the finance minister of Ghana,
Honorable
Change the spelling
Honourable
show examples
 Ken
Ofori Atta
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Ofori-Atta
show examples
, in a speech delivered to students of the University of
Ghana
Punctuation problem
Ghana,
show examples
 advised them on the need to learn new
skills
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 and
trade
Fix the agreement mistake
trades
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as fashion designing and
makeup
Punctuation problem
makeup,
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 will help them gain employment rather than relying on the formal sector. In conclusion,
skills
Use synonyms
 acquisition is very beneficial to every student as it helps broaden their scope of mind and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them independent as well.

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organization
Plan your essay with a clear line: state your view in the intro and keep 2 or 3 main ideas in order. Finish with a short conclusion that repeats your main point.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and then give a short explanation or example.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit together, like also, but, so, therefore, for example.
grammar
Watch grammar and fix long or wrong sentences. Correct phrases like 'do well in class' to 'do better in class' and keep punctuation clear.
support
Give a bit more real examples or data to prove your points, not only general talk.
stance
Your view is clear and you take a firm stand.
content
You give examples from real life (car maintenance, bead making, hairdressing).
structure
Conclusion repeats the main idea, which helps to finish the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • school
  • students
  • learn
  • life
  • skill
  • money
  • bank
  • account
  • save
  • spend
  • budget
  • plan
  • goal
  • debt
  • interest
  • tax
  • math
  • numbers
  • cost
  • safety
  • car
  • maintenance
  • repair
  • engine
  • tools
  • teach
  • practice
  • project
  • lesson
  • class
  • lesson
  • home
  • work
  • future
  • equal
  • access
  • time
  • exam
  • include
  • balance
  • decision
  • choice
  • positive
  • risk
  • safe
  • group
  • team
What to do next:
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