Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

#students #study #art #music #school #support

Undoubtedly, studying

art

and

music

is an important part of developing skills, and engaging interest

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education in young children. Some people believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

teaching

students

art

and

music

, in secondary school is essential,

whereas

other people do not consider it important. In

this

essay, I will discuss why all the

students

should be required, to study

art

and

music

as well as

what benefits it may cause.

To begin

with, studying

art

and

music

, will enhance

comprehension

Correct article usage

the comprehension

show examples

of young

students

, and will help them to discover their inner passion for those

subjects

, and may reveal

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Add an article

a skill

the skill

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skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

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, which they were not aware of possessing.

For example

, when

student

Correct article usage

a student

show examples

start

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starts

show examples

studying

art

, he or she, might discover inner traits and talents,

hence

develop them, and stick to it as a hobby, or as a source of inspiration.

On the other hand

, these

subjects

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apply

show examples

can help to engage

students

into

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studying. Meanwhile, many

students

find it challenging, and boring, to focus on education,

such

subjects

art

and

music

, can assist them, by making learning more entertaining, and captivating.

For instance

, if the student, is often seen

stressed

Correct word choice

as stressed

show examples

and lost,

art

and

music

, will distract him, from the energy-consuming, and complex lessons

such

as math, physics, or chemistry, and settle for 1-1,5 hours of relaxation, inspiration and

self expressing

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self-expressing

show examples

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

. Eventually, the student will be recharged and ready for the next lessons of the remaining

subjects

. In conclusion, though

art

and

music

subjects

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

are not as valuable as math, chemistry, or history, the

Submitted by leonardoinoscar on Sat Aug 06 2022

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Task Achievement

Your introduction is clear and presents the topic, but may benefit from a more engaging hook to capture the reader's interest.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay is well-structured and the main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations. Consider using transition words to improve the coherence between paragraphs.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

foster creativity
innovative thinking
emotional well-being
reduce stress
creative expression
cultural awareness
inclusive and diverse society
cognitive development
academic performance
spatial-temporal reasoning
language development
career opportunities
creative industries
contributors to the economy

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information, so there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspaper. To what extent do you agree or disagree

'It is often argued that children must be protected from unsuitable material on TV and the Internet by government censorship. Others say that this is the parents' responsibility to control what their children do and watch. To what extent do you think that this is true?

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

All the people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same numbers of vacations in a year.To what extent do you agree or disagree?