Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Undoubtedly, studying
art
and music
is an important part of developing skills, and engaging interest to
education in young children. Some people believe thatChange preposition
in
,
teaching Remove the comma
apply
students
art
and music
, in secondary school is essential, whereas
other people do not consider it important. In this
essay, I will discuss why all the students
should be required, to study art
and music
, as well as
what benefits it may cause.
To begin
with, studying art
and music
, will enhance comprehension
of young Correct article usage
the comprehension
students
, and will help them to discover their inner passion for those subjects
, and may reveal them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Add an article
a skill
the skill
skill
, which they were not aware of possessing. Fix the agreement mistake
skills
For example
, when student
Correct article usage
a student
start
studying Change the verb form
starts
art
, he or she, might discover inner traits and talents, hence
develop them, and stick to it as a hobby, or as a source of inspiration.
On the other hand
, these subjects
,
can help to engage Remove the comma
apply
students
into
studying. Meanwhile, many Change preposition
in
students
find it challenging, and boring, to focus on education, such
subjects
as art
and music
, can assist them, by making learning more entertaining, and captivating. For instance
, if the student, is often seen stressed
and lost, Correct word choice
as stressed
art
and music
, will distract him, from the energy-consuming, and complex lessons such
as math, physics, or chemistry, and settle for 1-1,5 hours of relaxation, inspiration and self expressing
Add a hyphen
self-expressing
lesson
. Eventually, the student will be recharged and ready for the next lessons of the remaining Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
subjects
.
In conclusion, though art
and music
subjects
,
are not as valuable as math, chemistry, or history, theRemove the comma
apply
Submitted by leonardoinoscar on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear and presents the topic, but may benefit from a more engaging hook to capture the reader's interest.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and the main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations. Consider using transition words to improve the coherence between paragraphs.