IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces. Others think that only men should be allowed to work in these areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Equality between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 is always a global argument. Some people reckon that
women
Use synonyms
 should serve
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 by joining
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
 and forces, while opponents argue that only
men
Use synonyms
 can
servecountry
Correct your spelling
serve country
 in these areas. Personally , I am in consummate accord with the aforementioned notion and the following expository paragraphs will expatiate my stance with lucid examples. On one hand, there are many reasons
women
Use synonyms
 get rejected during the selection process of military forces because of biological conditions and mental strength to face
war
Correct article usage
a war
show examples
 environment.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past
women
Use synonyms
 are only allowed to
household
Add a missing verb
do household
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 work
such
Linking Words
 as cooking and taking care of family.
Women
Use synonyms
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 have access to education and sports.
Women
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 are considered weak in terms of facing
war
Correct article usage
a war
show examples
 environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modern
women
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 access to all resources including education ,
physical
Correct word choice
and physical
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 activities to improve their physical and mental strength.
Women
Use synonyms
 from
this
Linking Words
 era proved that they are no less than a man and scored high in all departments compared to
men
Use synonyms
.They should get equal access as what
men
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 can including serving
nation
Add an article
the nation
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 by joining arm forces. One should always try to serve
country
Add an article
the country
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 in one or
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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 way be it
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
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 or
Use synonyms
men
Fix the agreement mistake
man
show examples
. In conclusion, each gender must get the same rights and treatment, not only
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 military, it would be in every field of life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, each individual can be a part of the military or any other profession they choose.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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