IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. to what extend do you agree or dis agree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities #dis
Nowadays, the young commit serious
crimes
 as adults. In the following, some
people
 think that the court should apply the same verdict as mature
people
 to young
people
. I disagree with
this
 opinion and I believe the youth need to be treated differently. One of the reasons why the government should not apply the same punishment to teenagers is that they are too naive to fully understand the crime's dire consequences. To elaborate, all young
people
 need time to get mentally mature enough to wisely think about their decisions.
For example
, the youth maybe do some risky behaviour to just get attention.
As a result
, they are not literally capable of taking responsibility without the supervision of their parents, so their
crimes
 should evaluate in separate courts
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 have particular laws for teenagers. Another vital reason is that sending young
people
 to a prison where adult criminals are there, not only can lead them to commit terrible
crimes
 in the future, but
also
 they catch serious mental disorders,
such
 as mania that are not will eliminate from their lives with ease.
Thus
, they need an exceptional boarding school where they can learn about catastrophic outcomes of
crimes
 and study as ordinary persons except that they need to be under the supervision of professional psychologists, so they can make the right decision in the future. In conclusion, I strongly contend that teenagers should not have the same court system for their
crimes
 as adults, because they are not mentally grown-up and prison is not for a teenager, they should study at school.
Submitted by parimelik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: