IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In order to reduce crime,we need ti attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. Itbis not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #ti #attack #poverty #lack #opportunities #itbis #police #street #people #prison
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Eventhough
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Even though
many
of
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apply
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culprits have been punished in a proper way,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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crime rates prove that legal authorities have been missing something valuable
at
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in
show examples
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 mitigation process.Some
people
Use synonyms
 hold the opinion that main social issues
such
Linking Words
ad
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 poor educational background and poverty should be solved in order
yo
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to
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 suppress all kinds of illegal activities. I agree that
,
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apply
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if both the government and the society should come forward to support poor
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is impossible that in many countries to provide
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 as they face population growth at a considerable rate.In some other places,
education
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 mainly focuses on job purposes rather than emphasizing
on
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apply
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social values.
As a result
Linking Words
, knowingly or unknowingly
people
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 act as unthoughtful and end up in prison.To illustrate, In India,the number of rape cases
have
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has
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 been increasing day by day because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of proper sex
education
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 find loopholes and
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 fearless without thinking
the
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about the
show examples
 negative consequences that they have
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Secondly
Linking Words
, A luxury lifestyle is a dream for every person
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of caste,colour ,gender and age.
However
Linking Words
, poverty caused by the reduced number of job opportunities
make
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makes
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 life more miserable and starving to death. In order to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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starvation
people
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 start to engage in several kinds of illegal activities
such
Linking Words
 as smuggling, theft and resale of stolen goods, extortion and so on.To illustrate, Tourists are less interested
to visit
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in visiting
show examples
 African countries as
this
Linking Words
 place is well known for robbery caused by poverty.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I plausibly agree with the fact that the government should promote action plans that could enhance
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life. I suggest that the government should create more job opportunities and make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of
education
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,in the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 the crime rates would be decreasing significantly.
Submitted by deepumolvarghese5 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more structured paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use topic sentences to introduce them.
Coherence & Cohesion
You should try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your arguments.
Task Response
Make sure that your examples are directly relevant to the main point you are trying to make in your paragraph.
Task Response
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points and reinforces your position effectively.
Task Response
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss.
Task Response
You have provided specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion offers a clear summary of your key points and emphasizes your agreement with the statement.
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