Task 2: Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argumentative notion heating a debate over whether it is imperative for authorities to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
concentration
on deteriorating the degradation of the environment's health and accommodation Replace the word
concentrate
problems
in order to limit the reproduction and spreading of illness and disease. From my perspective, I consider myself an advocate of this
statement.
Without a shadow of a doubt, environmental pollution can be regarded as one
of the main and most severe determinants of physical problems
. To be more specific, the deterioration in air quality which is caused by the emission of carbon footprint from cars, motorbikes or factories can contribute to a myriad of respiratory- related
illnesses Correct your spelling
respiratory-related
such
as lung cancer or asthma. Moreover
, there is also
water pollution which leads to several venereal ones such
as itch or rash. Hence
, environmental contamination is one
of the prevalent factors to induce a myriad of urgent illnesses.
While
the detrimental impact caused by environmental degradation is widely acknowledged, it is also
vital to get awareness of housing problems
’s influence. Particularly, in Ho Chi Minh city
which is Capitalize word
City
one
of the mega metropolises in Vietnam, there are still slum areas which do not have sewage systems or ventilation and are an ideal environment for viruses to spread. With that poor condition, those were the places with the highest infection rate when the
COVID-19 was widespread in Ho Chi Minh, which led to an abundance of lives being cut short. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, accommodation problems
are one
of the most urgent adversity
in preventing diseases.
In conclusion, governments should Change to a plural noun
adversities
put
environmental and housing Verb problem
make
problems
priority
to avoid and limit the appearance of illnesses and diseases.Correct article usage
a priority
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task achievement
You have articulated your points clearly. However, you can make your arguments even stronger by providing more specific examples or evidence. For instance, cite specific studies or statistics related to environmental pollution and housing issues to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are logically structured, ensure that your main points are uniformly supported throughout the essay. You had good points about environmental pollution and housing issues, but elaborating further or providing additional examples for both would enhance your argument's solidity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and your main points are supported with specific examples.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant points regarding the importance of addressing environmental and housing issues to prevent diseases.