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Band 6

Many people think arts(painting and music)do not directly improve people’s life, so the government should spend money on other important areas. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #people’s #life #government #money #areas
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
 reckon that the budget of
government
 should not
spent
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on
arts
, as they can not help
people
 improve their life immediately. From my perspective,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 view. On the one hand, we cannot deny that spending on
arts
 can help
people
 to improve their understanding of beauty. There are many excellent works in some art galleries, which can always make
people
 immersed
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their creativity. It can meet our spiritual
meeds
Correct your spelling
needs
show examples
 about learning how to admire an elegant artwork.
Moreover
, spending money on
arts
 is an efficient way to preserve traditional culture. There are
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
manny
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 nationalities in China,
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 most of them own their special cultures,
such
 as an ancient way
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 painting or some traditional songs. Those traditional works are
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
en
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 essential part of cultural heritages and we cannot lose them, while they
also
 can make more individuals understand their ancestors' intelligence.
On the other hand
, the
government
 should
also
 pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other fields.
Firstly
, keeping fit and healthy is an aim of nearly all
people
 in
this
 world ,
thus
 the
government
 should pay for the development of
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 industry.
For instance
, producing some precious medicine to save sick
people
 may
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 a decent amount of money,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
government
 should compensate
Change preposition
for those
show examples
those expenditure
Change the determiner
that expenditure
those expenditures
show examples
 to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
 those
patient's
Fix the agreement mistake
patients'
show examples
 stress of economy.
Besides
 that, we cannot ignore the importance of education, as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
 to require knowledge and skills and lay a solid foundation for their future，
therefore
 the
government
 should spend money on
this
 area. In conclusion, both
spending
Change to a plural noun
spendings
show examples
 on
arts
 and spending
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
 important areas have their own advantages, the
government
 should contribute its budget
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
real
Add an article
the real
a real
show examples
 situation.
Submitted by 2457393307 on

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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