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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think arts(painting and music)do not directly improve people’s life, so the government should spend money on other important areas. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #people’s #life #government #money #areas
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Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 reckon that the budget of
government
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 should not
spent
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on
arts
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, as they can not help
people
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 improve their life immediately. From my perspective,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 view. On the one hand, we cannot deny that spending on
arts
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 can help
people
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 to improve their understanding of beauty. There are many excellent works in some art galleries, which can always make
people
Use synonyms
 immersed
into
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in
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 their creativity. It can meet our spiritual
meeds
Correct your spelling
needs
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 about learning how to admire an elegant artwork.
Moreover
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, spending money on
arts
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 is an efficient way to preserve traditional culture. There are
Correct your spelling
many
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manny
Correct your spelling
many
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 nationalities in China,
while
Correct word choice
and
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 most of them own their special cultures,
such
Linking Words
 as an ancient way
to
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of
show examples
 painting or some traditional songs. Those traditional works are
Correct your spelling
an
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en
Correct your spelling
an
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 essential part of cultural heritages and we cannot lose them, while they
also
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 can make more individuals understand their ancestors' intelligence.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 should
also
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 pay attention
on
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to
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 other fields.
Firstly
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, keeping fit and healthy is an aim of nearly all
people
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 in
this
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 world ,
thus
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 the
government
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 should pay for the development of
medical
Add an article
the medical
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 industry.
For instance
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, producing some precious medicine to save sick
people
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 may
spent
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spend
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 a decent amount of money,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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government
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 should compensate
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for those
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those expenditure
Change the determiner
that expenditure
those expenditures
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 to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
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 those
patient's
Fix the agreement mistake
patients'
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 stress of economy.
Besides
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 that, we cannot ignore the importance of education, as it
help
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helps
show examples
people
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 to require knowledge and skills and lay a solid foundation for their future，
therefore
Linking Words
 the
government
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 should spend money on
this
Linking Words
 area. In conclusion, both
spending
Change to a plural noun
spendings
show examples
 on
arts
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 and spending
other
Change preposition
on other
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 important areas have their own advantages, the
government
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 should contribute its budget
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
real
Add an article
the real
a real
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 situation.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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