Some people believe that TV programs are no real value for children

These days
TV
is the most important part of our life
Correct your spelling
families
famillies
Correct your spelling
families
. some people think they aren’t valuable for kids compared to the past. but
this
hasn’t been proven to everyone. there can be reasons for
this
thinking .so
Im
Correct your spelling
I'm
going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
in
this
essay / article In the
begging
Add a comma
,begging
show examples
I think
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
clear that the quality of
TV
programs is reduced in recent years and
Im
Correct your spelling
I'm
sure it can be the essential factor to say watching
TV
becomes worthless. Parents who are interested in
TV
and watching it
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
find suitable cartoons or
such
a program to teach their children in different fields in the world to help them grow and discover/learn other things. The people who work in government and
TV
are responsible to consider
this
problem. people in different generations have different tastes/ tends and lacking attention to it maybe lead to violence
of
Change preposition
against
show examples
children in society
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
at school and affect their future and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. e g the number of commercial programs are increasing and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shoe
irrelevant
Add a missing verb
are irrelevant
show examples
subjects to kids or youth or junk foods might cause physical or mental disorders. In conclusion families and governments should corporate with each other to pay attention to
Correct your spelling
children's
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
mental issues and their hobbies. Being
kid
Add an article
a kid
show examples
at home and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
toys or
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
ahead
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
appropriate schedules give a piece of mind
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
parents that they are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
safe and in front of their eyes.
Submitted by kianaamani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: