IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

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Content of programmes in media depicts the way in which a
Correct your spelling
society

If you don’t want societ to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

societ
Correct your spelling
society

If you don’t want societ to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks

It seems that the verb think does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 and
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows

It seems that the verb grow does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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. Some argue that violent disturbing material on
electonic
Correct your spelling
electronic

If you don’t want electonic to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and digital media
pose
Correct subject-verb agreement
poses

It seems that the verb pose does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 some serious threats
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 people.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, others opine that these negative consequences
does
Change the verb form
do

The singular verb does does not appear to agree with the plural subject these negative consequences. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 not
real
Replace the word
really

The word real doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 matter in terms of
attitudes
Correct article usage
the attitudes

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of individuals. In my opinion, I believe that violence
in any case
Add the comma(s)
, in any case,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter in any case. Consider adding the comma(s).

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 has
detremintal
Correct your spelling
detrimental

If you don’t want detremintal to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

effects so it must be controlled. Several downsides associated with viewing disturbing adult content

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • desensitize
  • empathetic response
  • aggressive behavior
  • formative years
  • impressionable
  • catharsis
  • media psychology
  • mixed results
  • family environment
  • genetics
  • regulatory bodies
  • rating systems
  • vulnerable demographics
  • inappropriate content
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