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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
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Nowadays, the problem of
obesity
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 in
children
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 is
one
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 that receives much attention from people around the world.
This
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 leads to a general consensus that it is the duty of authorities to tackle
this
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 increasing issue. I partially disagree with
this
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 point of view due to a number of factors. On the
one
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 hand, those who support the view that addressing childhood
obesity
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 requires the
government'
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government's
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 assistance claim that policymakers can
enacat
Correct your spelling
enact
 laws which encourage healthy eating. To illustrate, a possible decree is to
minimized
Wrong verb form
minimise
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 the amount of unhealthy
food
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 accessible to
children
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. More specifically, the authority can
order
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 fast
food
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 chains to limit selling their products to
children
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 in
order
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 to lessen the younger generation's excessive consumption of harmful
food
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.
In addition
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, they can promulgate a law that requires restaurants and markets to import more fresh and healthy ingredients,
thus
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, allowing
children
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 to have more balanced meals, resulting in the improvement of their physical health. On the
one
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 hand, opponents of the former view believe that
parents
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 should be the
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one
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ones
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 who
are
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is
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 responsible for their
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Change noun form
children's
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children'
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children's
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 health conditions. It would be advisable for guardians to have more consideration on the diet of their
youngster
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youngsters
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 as even minor changes in
daily
Add an article
a daily
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meal
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meals
show examples
 may result in significant amelioration.
One
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 approach that
parents
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 can
adapt
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adopt
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 is to reduce the number of times they stop by
a fast
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fast food restaurants
a fast food restaurant
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food
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 restaurants or
a
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apply
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sidewalk
food
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 stall to feed their
children
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, and
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instead
Add a comma
,instead
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parents
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 should prepare dinner themselves and guarantee that each dishes contain a large amount of
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nutritional
nutrional
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nutritional
 value due to the benefits it
bring
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brings
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 to the
children
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.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 should be encouraged to be more energetic and active because of the fact that exercising is a method that
one
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 can utilize in
order
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 to stay fit and healthy. Having
youngster
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youngsters
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 pick up a sport,
for example
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, soccer, basketball and baseball from an early age is an approach that
parents
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 can take advantage of. In conclusion, it is evidenced that the authority can offer a multitude of laws and decrees with the aim of providing remedies to the ongoing predicament of childhood
obesity
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.
However
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, it is my belief that
parents
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 should be more
concern
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concerned
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 about their
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Change noun form
children's
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children'
Correct your spelling
children's
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 well beings and utilize various mentioned methods in
order
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 to help their
youngster
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youngsters
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 avoid
obesity
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.
Submitted by nghiemthanhlong432005 on

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