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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show unemployment rates and average earnings according to level of education.

The graphs below show unemployment rates and average earnings according to level of education.
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The bar charts illustrate the amount of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 and average earnings in four different education levels.
Overall
Linking Words
, what is clear from the data is that graduate degree owners were the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 earned,
while
Linking Words
 that group had the least place in the
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the high school
graduates
Use synonyms
 were in the first place, those earned the least
money
Use synonyms
. Focusing on the
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate by education level, high school and some college
graduates
Use synonyms
 had the greatest and the
Linking Words
second greatest
Add a hyphen
second-greatest
show examples
 rates in 2016 with 5.5% and 4.2%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, Graduate degree owners were the group that had the rock-bottom point in the
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate at 1.2%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in average weekly earnings, in spite of the fact that high school
graduates
Use synonyms
 earned the least
money
Use synonyms
 at 500 dollars, graduate degree owners earned the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 at 1500 dollars.
Also
Linking Words
, college
graduates
Use synonyms
 were the
second
Linking Words
 highest earners at 1100 dollars.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, money, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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