IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Education of young people is a highly prioritized in many countries. However educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money
People
 have different views about which is more important, to give priority to the
education
 of young
people
 or to invest in reducing the illiteracy rate of
adults
. From my perspective, both opinions are equally significant to lead to a promising
society
. On the one hand, there are so many vital facts that governments should pay extreme attention to
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
education
 of young
people
.
First
 of all, providing access to proper
education
 for each teenager can ensure a prosperous future for
society
, because it can lead to a well-educated workforce, and in turn economic growth and the progress of
society
.
In other words
, investment in the
education
 of young
people
 is just to work for the future prosperity of a nation. From another perspective, young
people
 who have more educational experiences would probably provide more resources to support the
education
 of their children,
as a result
 ,
this
 trend can lead to a sustainable way of national development.
On the other hand
, financial support for illiterate
adults
 is
also
 essential for a country, because it is not only something to do with helping
people
 who can not read and write but
also
 a contribution to social equality., which everyone in a modern
society
 attaches considerable importance to . I am glad to live in a country, where everyone has equal access to
education
, regardless of their
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
,
backgrounds
Fix the agreement mistake
background
show examples
, as well as
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Furthermore
, investment in providing educational opportunities to illiterate
adults
 can help them improve their quality of living, and
consequently
 lower the poverty rate and unemployment rate.
As a result
,
this
 trend can contribute to reducing the burden on governments. In conclusion, according to the reasons mentioned above, I value the
education
 of young
people
 and illiterate
adults
 equally, because supporting both of them can benefit our
society
 from different aspects.
Submitted by alexpan1027 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: