IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nation should spend more money on vocational training rather than on university education. Would the advantages of these outweigh the disadvantages?

Every county contributes
significant
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a significant
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 amount of money to maintain
world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
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education
Use synonyms
 system. Many today feel that countries should prioritize
skill
Use synonyms
 training over higher
education
Use synonyms
. Here, I coincide that disbursing highly on technical training will be fruitful as
such
Linking Words
 practice would
succor
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succour
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 during
recession
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the recession
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 period,
also
Linking Words
 the unemployment problem of any country can be resolved.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend may impact the development of the country. It is irrefutable that, fighting against the downturn in
economy
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the economy
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 would be facile if people are equipped with
Use synonyms
skill
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the skill
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 and vocation training for
actual
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the actual
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 world. Indeed, the confidence of working in
real
Correct article usage
a real
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 environment boosts
specially
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especially
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 for those who are provided with
skills
Use synonyms
 training and during the
training
Add a comma
,training
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 they seem to be exposed to simulation scenarios in which they would have to deal with commonly occurred methods.
For example
Linking Words
, communication
skills
Use synonyms
 are
Change preposition
apply
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 indispensable while collaborating with a colleague or a client in the business world and if
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 conversation
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 are taught to individuals fighting against the bad economic times would be simpler as it will be possible to retain and
convinced
Wrong verb form
convince
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 people because of
this
Linking Words
skill
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it would be possible to grasp the tactics of efficiently solving any problem and apply
such
Linking Words
 techniques later at work which in turn would reduce the employment problems of the country. With regards to vocational training, it can facilitate people to adapt quickly to practical worlds as
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
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 tend to
be intensively train
Change the verb form
be intensively trained
show examples
 in a specific vocational area. So, they can be self-employed. A recent analysis revealed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 90% of those graduates who developed soft
skills
Use synonyms
 were able to have an upper hand during their interview sessions as compared to those having
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 university
degree
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degrees
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 only.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, higher
education
Use synonyms
 can lead to a competent
Correct your spelling
workforce
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work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 which can elevate the country’s
growth
Replace the word
growing
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 quickly. The fact is
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a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 at universities can furnish themselves with fundamentals which will allow them to approach job
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 systemically and they will have fewer opportunities to climb higher on their corporate ladder. A bachelorette or master’s degree in mechanical engineering would aid an individual to grab a white-collar job in a reputed company. In conclusion, undoubtedly vocational and
skills
Use synonyms
 training can bring positive impacts for
new
Change the adjective
newly
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employed
Replace the word
employees
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thus
Linking Words
 the focus should not be just
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
on education
show examples
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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