IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose
A heated argument regarding
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 topic arises because while some insist that the
purpose
 of
museums
 is
entertainment
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 anyone can enjoy, others assert that
museums
 should be educational places for people to study.
Although
 the latter has advantages, I still believe that the former has far exceeding positive impacts for everyone. There is no doubt that some individuals are steadfast to believe that
museums
 are traditionally studying
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Firstly
, there are garden-variety cultural products
,
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apply
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 and nation’s treasures that are
Add an article
the value
a value
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value
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 of historical heritages. To give an example, most
of
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apply
show examples
school
Add an article
the school
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 trips go to
Add an article
a museum
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 to see these precious educational research to study history. It is a good opportunity for them to see heritages in person that are written in textbooks.
Furthermore
, lots of explanations of the cultural products are written in different languages
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 foreigners understand why
this
 product was made and what was the
purpose
 of,
hence
 they can
also
 learn educational knowledge.
In contrast
, I am of the opinion that visiting
museums
 for
entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 has
utmost
Correct article usage
the utmost
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 impression owing to the fact that tons of
museums
’ concepts are changing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. It is true that every people can enjoy
museums
 even for whom can not read letters or do not have any historical knowledge. In recent years
museums
 are not only consisted of studying
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 with
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserved
show examples
 historical things but
also
 there are various places
such
 as
café
Fix the agreement mistake
cafés
show examples
,
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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,
entertainment
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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, and so on. Needless to say, there are virtual spaces that can experience 4D sites or photo zones that will improve people’s logical and critical thinking. To
further
 illustrate
this
 point, one research from the US University said that most
of
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apply
show examples
family
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the family
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 groups are likely to visit
museums
 for
entertainment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. In conclusion, the bottom line is that while using
museums
 for education studies has good effects, as far as I am concerned, the
purpose
 of enjoying
museums
 in various ways has a superior indispensable influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the parties involved.
Submitted by rose5212 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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