IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Researchers shoes that people now day sleepless than they used to in the past what does you think is the reasons behind this? what are the effect on individual and society?

It is true that in
this
Linking Words
 modern world individuals' sleeplessness is as compared to the past. In
this
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will discuss the reasons and
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of the given notion in the upcoming paragraphs with the relevant example and conclusion. To commence with,
this
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 phenomenon has some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
this
Linking Words
 is happening,
firstly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology most individuals or youngsters spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
long hours on social
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Snapchat, and so on
as well as
Linking Words
 online games
likewise
Linking Words
 pubg, free-fire and many more
moreover
Linking Words
, they can use that application late night unlike in the past.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
's needs
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 day by day and they want a comfortable lifestyle to fulfil their needs they do work around the clock.
for example
Linking Words
, most youngsters want a luxurious lifestyle
as a result
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 they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work late at night to fulfil their needs. Turning to remedial effects, first and foremost, if
people
Use synonyms
 use social applications they become introverted
people
Use synonyms
 unlike in the past. Another striking point is, that the masses have
high-level
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 stress
while
Linking Words
 doing late-night work which causes many health issues.
Furthermore
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, they feel lazy, tightness of citizens can
be caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 a disturbance in the environment which influences the other
people
Use synonyms
 around them. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
, many citizens believe that lack of sleep
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 many problems for individuals it affects the
people
Use synonyms
 around them .
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, they become introverted
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 face many health disorders.

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task achievement
Your introduction should state your main points more clearly. Avoid using phrases like 'this essay' and be more direct. Your conclusion should summarize your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas clearly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly' and 'therefore' to help the reader understand the flow of your essay. This will improve coherence.
task achievement
Use clear examples that are easy to understand. Try to explain how those examples relate directly to your points. This will help clarify your ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and provide good reasons for sleeplessness in modern society.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a personal viewpoint, which is good for making your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both reasons and effects, which shows good engagement with the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sleep
  • stress
  • technology
  • anxiety
  • modern life
  • working hours
  • lifestyle
  • social activities
  • distractions
  • people
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