In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In most of the states in the world, village people are shifting to town.
As a result
, citizens in the local area are reduced. I think it has more negative impacts because it hampers our environment.
Firstly
, a lot of individuals have moved into cities in the recent period. So, population density is increasing day by day. Additionally
, they produce huge waste materials, which affect our surroundings. Moreover
, in towns, humans suffer their housing shortages and they spend their nights on the roadsides. For example
, in Bangladesh, 30% of people lead unhealthy lives in the city areas. As a result
, they suffer some unknown diseases, which stop their household activities.
On the other hand
, due to
the rising number of residents in urban sites, the number of industries and transport is increasing. So, it helps to numerous pollutions such
as air, water and soil. Moreover
, these pollutions disrupt our normal ecosystems and environmental balances will be unstable. For instance
, Dhaka is the most polluted city in Asia and it is unsuitable for human living. If individuals focus on staying in the Metropolitan areas, food shortages and expenses will accelerate. Besides
, children do not get proper facilities for their physical exercises. Open places are filled with buildings and all types of shortages will occur due to
the huge population. There are some benefits also
. Men get enough facilities for their working areas.
In conclusion, humans focus on towns for their easy lives but they face more difficulties than benefits. Although
the government takes necessary steps to solve it, we should support the authorities for implementation.Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on
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coherence cohesion
You should develop a clearer structure in your essay. While you have an introduction and a conclusion, the body paragraphs feel somewhat disjointed. Try using clearer topic sentences and transitions to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
The task response would benefit from more balanced discussion of positive aspects. Although you focus on the negative impacts, mentioning a few additional positive developments could create a more well-rounded essay.
task achievement
Be careful of generalizations and unsupported claims. For example, stating that 30% of people lead unhealthy lives in city areas without credible sources can weaken your argument. Try to provide more specific evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
Logical connections between points and paragraphs need improvement. Sometimes the essay jumps from one idea to another without smooth transitions. Using cohesive devices like 'moreover,' 'nevertheless,' and 'therefore' strategically can help with this.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of recognizing the complexity of urbanization and its various impacts. You touch on crucial issues such as environmental problems and the health of urban dwellers.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summarizes your stance and suggests an action, which is a good practice in essay writing.