IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many working people get little or no excercise either during tge workinf days or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not to get enough excerise? What can be done about this problem.

#people #excercise #tge #workinf #time #health #excerise
It is right to say that a healthy mind needs a healthy body. Exercise plays a vital role in attaining
this
 objective.
However
, It has been seen in recent days that working
people
 hardly do any physical exercise during their working or off days and their
health
 is compromised due to
this
 routine.
This
 essay will shed light on the possible aspects of not doing any kind of workouts and solutions to cope with these problems. To commence with, working
people
 purely focus on their career progression and pay less attention to their physical workout routine.
For instance
, in corporate culture working
people
 have great competition among their colleagues so
that is
 why they work extra hours to stand out from the competition.
Furthermore
, bosses give extra work to their subordinates which creates extra stress on their minds and after, they need more
time
 for rest. Moving to the
next
 part, because of tireless routine working
people
 rarely find any
time
 for any physical activity and
as a result
 their
health
 will start to deteriorate. In order to avoid these ,issues employers should take some revolutionary steps.
For example
,
people
 encourage to use stairs
instead
 of elevators.
In addition
, every office has some dedicated space for a gymnasium, and it would be compulsory for everyone to use it.
Moreover
, trips should be organised by the management which includes tracking and physical exertion for participants. In conclusion, I would suggest that working
people
 should spare some
time
 for exercise during working or off days.
This
 little
time
 would be beneficial for their future
health
 and progress.
Also
, employers should give priority to the
health
 of their employees and try to reduce stress on their minds.
Submitted by alinouman1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: