IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many working people get little or no excercise either during tge workinf days or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not to get enough excerise? What can be done about this problem.

#people #excercise #tge #workinf #time #health #excerise
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It is right to say that a healthy mind needs a healthy body. Exercise plays a vital role in attaining
this
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 objective.
However
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, It has been seen in recent days that working
people
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 hardly do any physical exercise during their working or off days and their
health
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 is compromised due to
this
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 routine.
This
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 essay will shed light on the possible aspects of not doing any kind of workouts and solutions to cope with these problems. To commence with, working
people
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 purely focus on their career progression and pay less attention to their physical workout routine.
For instance
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, in corporate culture working
people
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 have great competition among their colleagues so
that is
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 why they work extra hours to stand out from the competition.
Furthermore
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, bosses give extra work to their subordinates which creates extra stress on their minds and after, they need more
time
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 for rest. Moving to the
next
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 part, because of tireless routine working
people
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 rarely find any
time
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 for any physical activity and
as a result
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 their
health
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 will start to deteriorate. In order to avoid these ,issues employers should take some revolutionary steps.
For example
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,
people
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 encourage to use stairs
instead
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 of elevators.
In addition
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, every office has some dedicated space for a gymnasium, and it would be compulsory for everyone to use it.
Moreover
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, trips should be organised by the management which includes tracking and physical exertion for participants. In conclusion, I would suggest that working
people
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 should spare some
time
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 for exercise during working or off days.
This
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 little
time
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 would be beneficial for their future
health
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 and progress.
Also
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, employers should give priority to the
health
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 of their employees and try to reduce stress on their minds.
Submitted by alinouman1992 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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