Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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Fame, glory

as well as opulence

Add the comma(s)

, as well as opulence,

show examples

have always been a part of the superstars’ world. Certainly,

people

Use synonyms

have been concerned with these aspects being the only ones needed to become well known, rather than accomplishments, which has negative impacts on youngsters. In

this

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essay, I will explain why I concur with

this

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point of view.

To begin

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with, when celebrities are only recognized for their glamour and wealth, it has detrimental effects on teenagers as it illustrates that achievements are not important,

moreover

Linking Words

that there is no need for hard work in life. By only posting superficial elements of their life, influencers are sending the wrong message. Since only a small proportion of

people

Use synonyms

trying to become famous will be, the value of perseverance should be transmitted to encourage young

people

Use synonyms

to push through deception and keep fighting towards their goals.

Although

Linking Words

money does not buy happiness, the image

that is

Linking Words

sent to young

people

Use synonyms

by influencers is that goods and money will make you happy,

therefore

Linking Words

encouraging them to buy many products in order to attain pleasure. The message

that is

Linking Words

then

Linking Words

conveyed is that objects will make

you

Change the pronoun

your

show examples

content.

As a result

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, many teens do not feel entitled to joy if they cannot purchase the product

that is

Linking Words

advertised by the celebrity, which can lead to anxiety and depression. Rather than linking positive emotions to material belongings, young

people

Use synonyms

have to learn about the value of interpersonal relationships as well as personal achievements. In conclusion, accomplishments and talent should be the reasons why someone becomes famous.

Otherwise

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, it sets a damaging example for teens and young adults as it shows that hard work is not important and it puts pressure to find happiness through objects.

Submitted by emilie.langis on Tue Aug 09 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Doctors recommend that older people should get regular exercise. However many older people do not take enough exercise. What could be the reason for this? What can be done to encourage them to take exercise?

Nowadays, the traditions and customs redating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing Why is this happening ? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative ?

University students should pay the full cost of their studies because university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?