Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Fame, glory

as well as opulence

Add the comma(s)

, as well as opulence,

show examples

have always been a part of the superstars’ world. Certainly,

people

have been concerned with these aspects being the only ones needed to become well known, rather than accomplishments, which has negative impacts on youngsters. In

this

essay, I will explain why I concur with

this

point of view.

To begin

with, when celebrities are only recognized for their glamour and wealth, it has detrimental effects on teenagers as it illustrates that achievements are not important,

moreover

that there is no need for hard work in life. By only posting superficial elements of their life, influencers are sending the wrong message. Since only a small proportion of

people

trying to become famous will be, the value of perseverance should be transmitted to encourage young

people

to push through deception and keep fighting towards their goals.

Although

money does not buy happiness, the image

that is

sent to young

people

by influencers is that goods and money will make you happy,

therefore

encouraging them to buy many products in order to attain pleasure. The message

that is

then

conveyed is that objects will make

you

Change the pronoun

your

show examples

content.

As a result

, many teens do not feel entitled to joy if they cannot purchase the product

that is

advertised by the celebrity, which can lead to anxiety and depression. Rather than linking positive emotions to material belongings, young

people

have to learn about the value of interpersonal relationships as well as personal achievements. In conclusion, accomplishments and talent should be the reasons why someone becomes famous.

Otherwise

, it sets a damaging example for teens and young adults as it shows that hard work is not important and it puts pressure to find happiness through objects.

Submitted by emilie.langis on Tue Aug 09 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
There is an increasing population on the planet, and people are running out of water, food, and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures calation?n be taken to fight overpopu
There are increasing in number of population due to health care development, so a raise in number of people may cause decrease in needs such as water, food, housing ,electricity, and fuel. In this statment I will discuss how we can avoide sources needs difficulty. In my opinion, the problem is on the availability of sources not on the number of populations.
7.5
band
Many think that governments should fund programs in search of life on other planets. However, others believe governments should focus on unresolved issues of the planet. Provide your opinion and discuss both views.
Many people including a few scientists believe that authorities should invest capital to search for an alternative place for human residence other than the dirt for a better future. Others think that there are many other matters that exist which are unresolved rather than living issues. From my perspective, the ministry should focus on solving other unsolved things which are bothering humankind rather than only focusing on searching for another living planet.
7.5
band
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In this contemporary epoch, while filling out the form at the hiring process some individuals ask their new hires to fill in their personal information such as their marital status, hobbies, and interests. A certain number of people consider it useful whereas critics disagree with the fact of providing personal details. In my opinion, personal data must be disclosed. This essay will delve into both opinions and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
6.5
band
students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no denying the fact that the way to teach at schools can be a debatable subject. While it is a commonly held belief that some individuals believe teaching students how to behave well should be a teacher's responsibility. there is also an argument that students should only study academic subjects by their teachers. This essay will analyse this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
8
band
During a recent plane journey,you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants.You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman.In your letter •remind him when and where you met •tell him what kind of job you are interested in •say why you think you would be suitable for the job
My name is Umida and I am writing this letter to you in regard to a job for which we had a discussion with each other while travelling to India on 13th November on the Air India Flight because my seat number was 34 and yours were 33 window seat.

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

There is an increasing population on the planet, and people are running out of water, food, and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures calation?n be taken to fight overpopu

Many think that governments should fund programs in search of life on other planets. However, others believe governments should focus on unresolved issues of the planet. Provide your opinion and discuss both views.

students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.