It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, there has been an ongoing discussion about whether schools should be in charge of children's behavioural development beyond providing academic learning. From my perspective, I partially agree with
this
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statement, as teaching kids good behaviours should be the priority of both schools and their families. The following are the reasons supporting my thesis. On the one hand, education institutes should be held accountable for modelling positive demeanours as rote learning is insufficient for our pupils. Teaching them the means to regulate their emotions and be responsible for their actions can help them navigate in various grown-up settings. Without adequate support, students may not be able to manage their behaviours. There have been numerous examples in our community, where teenagers committed violence and were involved in anti-social events.
This
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results in detrimental impacts on society, which may cost more than developing a behavioural curriculum.
Therefore
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, implementing behavioural learning can serve as a cost-effective means to reduce these negative outcomes.
On the other hand
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, good conduct cannot be formed within the schools, as parents and carers
also
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share an important part in preparing young learners to become responsible adults. They are the role models that our children are looking up to all the time.
For example
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, family members can explicitly reinforce values to respect others and help facilitate the positive mindsets taught in classrooms. Only when the school collaborates with parents to provide a consistent environment, can our students become well-rounded individuals. In summary, it is obvious that establishing a behavioural curriculum in educational settings beyond the norms of improving students' academic results is beneficial for all.
However
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, the support to develop good manners will only be effective when it is consistently shared between the school and home environments.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to better illustrate your points. For instance, you could elaborate on what specific behavioral programs schools might implement.
coherence and cohesion
A more varied sentence structure would enhance the flow and engagement of your essay. Try to include some complex sentences to enrich your writing style.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your transition phrases between points are smoother. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
positive
The introduction clearly states your stance and sets up the essay well, providing a good overview of the argument.
positive
The essay presents a balanced perspective, acknowledging the role of both schools and families in teaching good behavior, which shows depth of thought.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • good behavior
  • character development
  • values
  • respect
  • kindness
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • curriculum
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • parental guidance
  • consistent environment
  • academic performance
  • engagement
  • collaboration
  • social cohesion
  • positive reinforcement
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