IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?

#people #environment #poverty #welfare #generations
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Recently we may often see a young environmental
activist
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 or animal protection
activist
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 on the news. It makes us believe that more and more young
people
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 are joining those protests and younger generations are more environmentally conscience than the older generations.
However
Linking Words
, I would suggest
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 powerful natural consciences are not necessarily associated with youth or generation but
the
Correct word choice
with the
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 social or educational background
people
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
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.
First,
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the educational system which often puts stress on an environmental issue is a critical motivation for children to worry about our natural resources. 
For instance
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, I began to think about Japanese natural resources only after I learned about the idea of natural protection at my elementary school. In almost all countries, children take primary education in school, and the curriculum has an enormous impact on them throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is no question
if
Correct word choice
that
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 some of the children who took environmental-focused education would become an
activist
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 for animal preservation or global warming.
Second,
Linking Words
the rapid improvement in communication technology enables
people
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 to share
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental news and make an ally with
people
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 all over the world without hardships, and especially juveniles make the best use of it. Cloud funding is one example of raising a fund for environmental action. My friend earns some budget for natural protection work through cloud funding.
People
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 who have similar interests or tastes often build a community on Social media like Facebook and Twitter. 
For example
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, the news of the
southern
Capitalize word
Southern
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 California wildfire was globally shared immediately
it
Correct word choice
after it
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 happened. Another fact is that the young Swedish
activist
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, Greta Thunberg uses Twitter so effectively to deliver her belief and gain financial and physical support. Her tweets had a great influence to the extent that the US president reacted.
To conclude
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,
the
Change preposition
in the
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 education system of modern technologies, young
people
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 are accustomed to the main advantages for young
people
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 to conduct environmental actions. The more
people
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 there are at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age in those actions, the more impact
created
Add a missing verb
is created
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 in the next generation, which
consequently
Linking Words
 makes the positive cycle to tackle environmental problems.
Submitted by momokonakaoka on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task. You present relevant arguments and examples that support your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas and effectively uses transitions to connect and support your main points. However, ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more explicit and connected to the overall discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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