IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children

#video #games #children
There are different kinds of
video
games
 for all ages.
Video
games
 have many fans
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 around the world. Nowadays, every child has at least
one
 electronic device like
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
 phone or tablet. So, they often have a number of
video
games
 on their devices. playing whit
video
games
 for them have both advantages and disadvantages. In
this
 paper, I will discuss them. There are some advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 playing
video
games
 for
children
 in
this
 paragraph.
Firstly
, the
children
 can learn many
things
 from them. as I said before, there are many types of
video
games
. some types of them are educational.
for example
, it's about a
second
 language, so the
children
's information about it increases by playing
this
video
 game. they learn educational
things
 in
this
 way better than other methods.
Moreover
,
boost
Add an article
a boost
the boost
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 is another advantage. some types of
video
games
 are
brain
teaser
Fix the agreement mistake
teasers
show examples
.
Children
 should think to be able to do their steps.
Hence
, their
brain
 has to process many
things
.
This
 work leads to
strengthen
Change the verb form
strengthening
show examples
 of the
brain
. Because of the many attractions of
video
games
,
Children
 usually play them for many hours. So, there are many drawbacks of them for
children
. I write two of them. The
first
one
 is damage to the eyes. As we know
video
games
 play on digital screens. Digital screens have
blue
Add an article
a blue
show examples
 light.
this
 light gradually damages
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the eyes especially when we stare at it for many hours. The
second
one
 is increasing the immobility of
children
.
The
Correct article usage
Video
show examples
video
games
 are addictive. When the
children
 start to play, it's hard to stop them. They spend a lot of time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing. They are motionless during the game. Immobility is very bad for them because it causes many losses
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
one
 of the most important of them is obesity. In summary,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
 become important amusements for
children
. they have benefits and disadvantages. the benefits of them are learning educational
things
 and
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthening
show examples
 of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
. The disadvantages of them are
harming
Wrong verb form
harm
show examples
 to
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immobility.
Submitted by asharifi251 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: