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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Celebrities such as actors, athletes and musicians earn large salaries compared to other professionals. Some people consider this unfair, while others think that celebrities deserve to be paid a lot for the work they do. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion on the subject.

#celebrities #actors #athletes #musicians #salaries #professionals #people #work #points
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Handsome salaries are earned by renowned
people
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 like sports players, role players and musicians compared to other working individuals. There is contention among
people
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that
Change preposition
about
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 whether it is fair to pay them more or not.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 argue that it is totally fair to pay these celebrities more. On the one side of the argument, some think that famous
people
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 do not deserve high
paid
Verb problem
apply
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amounts.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they are not doing
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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extraordinary things as they are only a source of entertainment. A music concert,
for example
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, has more ticket price as compared to the fee
of
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for
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 a doctor's appointment. Apparently, musicians just play some tunes at the concert, but they are earning more.
Therefore
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,
It is clear that
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 these celebrities have more earnings just by using the same talent again and again.
As a result
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, they are not capable of too high earnings. On the other side of the argument, others including me, believe that renowned individuals have the complete right to get enough money since they work too hard for a particular skill. In order to become an expert in a special skill, an individual has to practice more which takes many years and it is expensive to learn and practice these skills. Cricket is the best illustration to explain it. A cricketer has to pass many stages to get selected for the country's team and has to pay a lot of money to hire a coach.
Thus
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, it would not be wrong if they get more finances for their profession. In conclusion,
although
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 famous
people
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earned
Wrong verb form
earn
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 more compared to other jobs,
nevertheless
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, it is completely justified since they have to spend more years on practice and have to pay high fees for it.
Hence
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, I would argue that celebrities have the full right to earn more salaries than other jobs.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the topic and your position on it. Additionally, provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You need to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Additionally, ensure that your response addresses all aspects of the task prompt and presents a clear and well-developed argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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