IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some children find some particular school subjects difficult (for example maths or philosophy), so these subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #school #subjects #maths #philosophy
In recent years, there have been lots of changes in the educational system. As some students at a young age find out
math
 and
philosophy
 more difficult.
Therefore
 parents consider that those complicated
subjects
 should be optional rather than compulsory.
This
 essay will discuss some reasons that
math
 and
philosophy
 are necessary
subjects
.
In addition
, it will provide my initial position on
this
 issue. On the one hand, studying more
subjects
 in one day may have a bad impact on health. In some countries, in elementary school children study four or five lessons in one day, those can include
math
,
philosophy
, art, and languages.
Consequently
, youngsters are responsible for being concentrated on five different and difficult
subjects
.
This
also
 is a cause
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
productivity
Change preposition
of productivity
show examples
 in school.
Additionally
, strenuous courses do not seem interesting to the
scholor
Correct your spelling
scholar
colour
.
For example
, the efficiency of scholars is decreasing year by year, because they do not interested in the subject they studying.
On the other hand
, there are some possible statements which can prove that both compulsory and complicated
subjects
 are essential things in personal lives.
For instance
, mathematics help a person not only to count correctly but
also
 to be organized and gives the ability to manage time effectively. In terms of
philosophy
, it improves children`s mindset and critical thinking ability. If those capabilities would not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taught at an earlier age, it could be challenging to train brains when it is obligatory at an elder age.
Hence
,
math
 and
philosophy
 are added to the school system, even if it requires more work. To conclude, I do not agree with the statement. The
subjects
 are essential in many ways,
therefore
 officials included
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
 in
obligatory
Correct article usage
the obligatory
show examples
 lessons category, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their challenges.
Submitted by ominam29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: