Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative

In some countries, it is believed that young people should take a

gap

year

after finishing school and before the start of higher education.

This

trend would create certain benefits, but there will

also

be some drawbacks. In

this

essay, I would like to discuss both the merits and demerits of the phenomenon.

On the other hand

, there are some crowd who advocate taking a

gap

year

. One argument in favour of

this

is that it can have a beneficial impact on young people’s personal development.

This

means that they are likely to become more mature when they are obliged to fulfil certain responsibilities at work.

In addition

, the young community can find their passion by working in a variety of fields and industries.

This

will enable them to make a good choice when it comes to choosing what subjects they should specialize in at university.

Furthermore

, they will

also

become more open-minded as they will learn to appreciate cultural diversity through travelling to foreign countries, where they will be exposed to different cultural and social norms.

On the other hand

, It is assumed that students could fall behind in their

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

if they take a

gap

year

, which means

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

one of which is the possibility of losing interest in higher education as they might be tempted by the income they are earning from their jobs. If so,

this

can have a profound negative impact on their future prospects because for high school graduates, job options are limited and the kinds of jobs available to them are generally labour-intensive and basic.

Moreover

, being immature and naive, the young community might be influenced by bad people whom they come across while working or travelling so there is a chance that they might end up becoming drug addicts or law-breakers.

Furthermore

, they will be left behind in their study by their peers who will have already graduated when they will still be university students, making them feel inferior and unmotivated.

Therefore

, it is a sensible idea to pursue tertiary education right after finishing high school. In conclusion,

although

there are some dangers

such

as the possibility of affecting their future career, there are

also

positive effects since they can develop desirable qualities and find out their interests and talents by taking a

gap

year

Submitted by trancaomaitrang on Thu Aug 11 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

383 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvantages

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