IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

#computers #part #education
It's considered that computers are becoming an important part of students' education. I agree that they are essential during study life. I will discuss both sides of the advantages, like preparing the next generation for future jobs and getting information from the internet, and the disadvantages
such
 as being open to a dangerous world and addiction of the child to it.
Firstly
, it is beneficial for students to study computer science to be ready for future jobs. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
, when learning how to use programs, like Microsoft Office and others related to the development of their ability like typing or photoshopping they will be able to compete in the work world after graduation. A second strong reason is that students will learn how to use the internet to gain information. To illustrate, there are some subjects which require doing some research like history or arts, and using the network will help them complete their studies about the certain subject.
On the other hand
, using a computer has some drawbacks, especially for a young age student who can't differentiate right from wrong. Learning how to use the internet will aid
to open
Change preposition
in opening
show examples
 word doors from inside homes which could be dangerous for kids.
For example
, there are some websites where
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 inappropriate subjects or violence, and
this
 is unacceptable to be watched by a child.
Also
Rephrase
As
show examples
,
as
Rephrase
well as
show examples
 games and YouTube channels. both can be addictive. It could be seen that
most
Change preposition
for most
show examples
 of the children who have computers or mobile phones it is hard to deal with them and not easy to drag them into activities.
To conclude
, I think including CPU in the study is important.
However
, it can be harmful to children to open world doors, but it is a good way to teach them how to do research and be prepared for life after graduation.
Submitted by Fatima Sami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement. Also, make sure to conclude the essay effectively by summarizing the main points and restating the opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments. Ensure that all points directly address the question prompt and maintain a consistent focus on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: