IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think certain prisoner should be made unpaid work instead of being put behind bar .. discus it with your own opinion.

#people #prisoner #work #bar #discus
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
some groups of
people
Use synonyms
 believe, that
people
Use synonyms
 who are convicted by court should work for the
community
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of being in the prison. they think the government should try to make them productive for the
country
Use synonyms
 and
community
Use synonyms
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally believe every
country
Use synonyms
 should prepare themselves to use
prisoners
Use synonyms
 to work as
an unpaid workers
Correct the article-noun agreement
unpaid workers
an unpaid worker
show examples
. in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 going to analyse
this
Linking Words
 argument and its advantages and disadvantages. The
first
Linking Words
 reason is that it can be a good way to save money for the
country
Use synonyms
. and
also
Linking Words
, the government does not have to pay for some jobs if
prisoners
Use synonyms
 do that. so, authority not only does not pay money for looking after criminals but
also
Linking Words
,
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not pay
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who do
community
Use synonyms
 services.
for instance
Linking Words
, if convicted persons help old
people
Use synonyms
 to do their daily tasks, there will be
profit
Replace the word
profitable
show examples
 for both sides.
However
Linking Words
, relying on
people
Use synonyms
 who at least once committed
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 can be very dangerous for
Use synonyms
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. giving a little freedom to
these society
Change the determiner
this society
these societies
show examples
 can have a bad effect and
subsequently
Linking Words
 regret. So,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think leadership should try
specific
Add an article
the specific
a specific
show examples
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 to
counting
Wrong verb form
count
show examples
 on them.
for example
Linking Words
, they should never give permission to a murderer to work as
unpaid
Add an article
an unpaid
show examples
 worker. whereas, in some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
Change preposition
in which
show examples
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the crime
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 committed small, it is ok to give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permission to them. to sum up, the whole world should prepare to give
this
Linking Words
 chance to
prisoners
Use synonyms
 but not all the
prisoners
Use synonyms
 just
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 do not
committed
Change the verb form
commit
show examples
 a big crime. if
this
Linking Words
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
,
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 will save
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of money and they can spend on facilities and improvements.
Submitted by ario1381 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prison system
  • Rehabilitative justice
  • Unpaid work
  • Community service
  • Recidivism
  • Exploitation
  • Incarceration
  • Labor
  • Deterrence
  • Public safety
  • Oversight
  • Rehabilitation
  • Punishment
  • Ethical concerns
  • Practical considerations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: