IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that men and women are equal and so women are able to do any job they want. Others feel that men women are not equal and therefore there certain jobs that are not suitable for women. What is your opinion

#believe #men #women #job #jobs
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It is frequently argued by a number of people that males and females are equal and
consequently
Linking Words
, ladies are capable
to do
Change preposition
of doing
show examples
 any work they desire
while
Linking Words
 others think the reverse. Well, I agree with the first statement and I will give proper reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 thinking. At present, women are not
bounded
Verb problem
bound
show examples
 to their kitchens only, they have shown their abilities in every sector of employment from housewives to the Prime Minister of a country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they are not less than males in intellectualism. Even, they have a number of skills which don't have in
men
Use synonyms
 like multitasking and making quick decisions.
However
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, today women prove themselves in those sectors too where
men
Use synonyms
 can't expect them.
For instance
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,
ann e
Correct your spelling
Ann E
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 from the USA was the first woman to rank four stars on soldiering, Razzi from India gave her best as an intelligence officer, Nishat Majumder from Bangladesh is one of the greatest mountaineers, and Pierre Curie was the first woman who achieved two Nobels in chemistry and so on.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a number of communities feel that ladies are not equal to
men
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 because they have less physical strength.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they may have various obstacles in their future for doing certain jobs where women need to use their physical strength like
men
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,
such
Linking Words
 as, in gymnastics, sports, soldiering, construction sectors and so on. Giving employment to these sectors may cause big diseases
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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such
Linking Words
 as maternity complications, troubles in giving birth to a child, ovarian issues etc. In conclusion, in spite of thinking that females are not as strong as
men
Use synonyms
, we should encourage them to do every type of job they want.
Submitted by Rubel Miah on

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task response
Provide more specific and developed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and consistent progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more accurately and precisely.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and demonstrate control over grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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