IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#movement #people #areas #cities #work #places #measures
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It is true that moving from agricultural
areas
Use synonyms
 to
cities
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 to work has bad effects on both two places.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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governments
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 could certainly take steps to address these
problems
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. As we can see, both agricultural
areas
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 and
cities
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 have got some serious
problems
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.
One
Change preposition
On one
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 hand,
to
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in
show examples
cities
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, having a big quantity of
people
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 can cause traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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 and
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 work environment.
People
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 who live in
cities
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 can have a threat to air
pollutions
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pollution
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 caused by the usage of many cars,
this
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 is not good for
peoples'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
 health. At the same time,
people
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 are facing a more competitive job environment given more
people
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 are looking for jobs.
On the other hand
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, rural
areas
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 are losing their local
people
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means the prospect of local development is bad.
This
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 can be a worse circular in the future.
However
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,
governments
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 and individuals can take steps to address these
problems
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 which are happening
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these two places.
Firstly
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,
governments
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 can put more
Correct your spelling
investments
investment
investements
Correct your spelling
investments
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 public transport systems,
therefore
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 more
people
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 prefer to take public transport rather than driving to work.
Secondly
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, individuals can share their private cars together. Most cars just have one person to drive,
this
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 is wasting road space and causing more air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
Thirdly
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,
governments
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 can provide training
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courses
couses
Correct your spelling
courses
 to
people
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 who do not have sufficient qualifications. So they can get new skills and
this
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 can improve their possibilities of getting jobs.
Finally
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,
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
areas
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governments
Use synonyms
 can build more train stations to increase employment,
this
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 can provide local
people
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more
Change preposition
with more
show examples
 job opportunities.
Furthermore
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, trains can have more close connections with big
cities
Use synonyms
 and other places,
this
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 is helpful for development. In conclusion,
Correct your spelling
governments
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 can take some
Correct your spelling
measures
mesures
Correct your spelling
measures
 to solve
Use synonyms
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 mentioned above and I believe these issues will be addressed
finally
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.
Submitted by wangpeiying96 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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