The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that moving from agricultural
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
to downtown areas to work has bad effects on both two places,
while
governments
could certainly take steps to address these obstacles. As we can see, both agricultural areas and cities have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some serious troubles. On one hand, metropolises having a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
quantity population can cause traffic congestion and a competitive work environment.
Public
Correct article usage
The public
show examples
who live in cities can have a threat to air pollution caused by the usage of many cars,
this
is not good for humans' health. At the same time,
people
are facing a more competitive job environment given more
people
are looking for jobs.
On the other hand
, rural ranges are losing their local
people
, which means the prospect of local development is bad.
This
can be a worse circular in the future.
However
,
governments
and individuals can take steps to address these problems which are happening in these two places.
Firstly
,
governments
can put more investments in public transport systems,
therefore
more
people
prefer to take public transport rather than
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
to work.
Secondly
, individuals can share their private cars together. Most cars just have one person to drive,
this
is wasting road space and causing more air pollution.
Thirdly
,
governments
can provide training courses to
people
who do not have sufficient qualifications. So they can get new skills and
this
can improve their possibilities of getting jobs.
Finally
, in rural areas
governments
can build more train stations to increase employment,
this
can provide local
people
with more job opportunities.
Furthermore
, trains can have more close connections with big cities and other places,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is helpful for development. In conclusion, authorities can take some measures to solve the problems mentioned above and I believe these issues will be addressed
finally
.
Submitted by wangpeiying96 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the question thoroughly and clearly. Provide a comprehensive response to the task prompt by expanding on the serious problems caused by the movement of people from agricultural areas to cities, and by offering detailed measures to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in connecting ideas and supporting arguments. Use cohesive devices and transitions to make the flow of ideas smoother and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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