IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#movement #people #areas #cities #work #places #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that moving from agricultural
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to downtown areas to work has bad effects on both two places,
while
Linking Words
governments
Use synonyms
 could certainly take steps to address these obstacles. As we can see, both agricultural areas and cities have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some serious troubles. On one hand, metropolises having a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 quantity population can cause traffic congestion and a competitive work environment.
Public
Correct article usage
The public
show examples
 who live in cities can have a threat to air pollution caused by the usage of many cars,
this
Linking Words
 is not good for humans' health. At the same time,
people
Use synonyms
 are facing a more competitive job environment given more
people
Use synonyms
 are looking for jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rural ranges are losing their local
people
Use synonyms
, which means the prospect of local development is bad.
This
Linking Words
 can be a worse circular in the future.
However
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 and individuals can take steps to address these problems which are happening in these two places.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can put more investments in public transport systems,
therefore
Linking Words
 more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to take public transport rather than
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 to work.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals can share their private cars together. Most cars just have one person to drive,
this
Linking Words
 is wasting road space and causing more air pollution.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can provide training courses to
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have sufficient qualifications. So they can get new skills and
this
Linking Words
 can improve their possibilities of getting jobs.
Finally
Linking Words
, in rural areas
governments
Use synonyms
 can build more train stations to increase employment,
this
Linking Words
 can provide local
people
Use synonyms
 with more job opportunities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, trains can have more close connections with big cities and other places,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is helpful for development. In conclusion, authorities can take some measures to solve the problems mentioned above and I believe these issues will be addressed
finally
Linking Words
.
Submitted by wangpeiying96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the question thoroughly and clearly. Provide a comprehensive response to the task prompt by expanding on the serious problems caused by the movement of people from agricultural areas to cities, and by offering detailed measures to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in connecting ideas and supporting arguments. Use cohesive devices and transitions to make the flow of ideas smoother and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: