IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #tv #entertainment #programmes #aim #viewers
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In the contemporary epoch,
community
Use synonyms
 troubles have become a frequent topic that must be discussed in society.
Consequently
Linking Words
 , whilst , some proponents agree that
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 shows have a paramount
role
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 in guiding the population to know its problem , opponents have a diverse view.
However
Linking Words
 , I am a staunch believer that Televisions play a crucial
role
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 in solving emerging
problems
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 ,for it helps in discussing the problem itself , and it has a magnificent
role
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 in solving it.
To begin
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 with, leisure shows have an indispensable way
to discuss
Change preposition
of discussing
show examples
problems
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 ;
in other words
Linking Words
, both
radios
Fix the agreement mistake
radio
show examples
 and
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
 help the
community
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 to focus on a certain issue which they may not have any idea about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. An eminent example in Egypt is the issue of divorce ,
although
Linking Words
 it is considered a social problem , many socialists do not focus on it. Recently , in Egypt , the percentage of divorce has risen by thirty per cent.
This
Linking Words
 is believed to be one of the main
problems
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 in the
community
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.To summarize , unless leisure shows focus on the surrounding complications , the
community
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 will not turn an eye to it.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , solutions which are provided by different talk shows can help in solving some
problems
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 ; to clarify , doctors , who are being introduced by some health programs , can help others to solve a difficulty that they are facing. A recent survey , which has been done in Egypt , found that two-thirds of the patients who are having adiposity dilemmas use the solutions which are provided by nutritionists that appear on
Tvs
Correct your spelling
TV
 to lose their weight. Not only do
tv
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TV
show examples
 programs help the
community
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 to enjoy their free time , but they
also
Linking Words
 can help them to solve their
problems
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.
To conclude
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 , after the above-mentioned points have been demonstrated. It is thought that leisure programs have an indispensable and interdependent
role
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 in any society because they help them in
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 their emerging obstacle.
Submitted by ahmadhassan1694 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an outline of your main points. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your ideas throughout the essay.
task response
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task, supported by relevant and specific examples. However, ensure that you address any opposing views to strengthen the argument and consider the broader implications of the topic.
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