IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sporting facilities, others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some believe that it is a good way to enhance the local community's fitness by improving various play facilities, while others would say that it is make very little impact on our
health
Use synonyms
 so improves other factors.
Although
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 encouraging sports affects only teenagers' and adults' fitness, I believe that government should build
parks
Use synonyms
 and hospitals for folk. On the one hand, Increasing the number of sporting facilities only helps young folk.
This
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 means that teenagers are playing various plays and making carrier in their fields,
in addition
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, they become fit ad fines so their fitness improves.
For instance
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, A study conducted by Indian Sports Management found that around 70 per cent of
people
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 who play different games are more healthy than others.
However
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,
this
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 essay would argue that there are no optimal solutions and older
people
Use synonyms
 are not getting benefits for doing
this
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.
On the other hand
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, the government should develop various
parks
Use synonyms
 and hospitals.
This
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 is because various aged
people
Use synonyms
 are walking in the morning and the evening so they improve their
health
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 doing these activities in the gardens, while very good
health
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 care requires so, adults should treatment their on various disease.
For example
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, a report published by the U.S Department of
Health
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 & Care showed that building
parks
Use synonyms
 in the country are very helpful for all aged
people
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.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that these benefits getting all aged so
this
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 is optimal solutions and improve their lives. In conclusion,
although
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 developing the new facilities for sports only helps adults, I think building various
parks
Use synonyms
 and hospitals a very beneficial for everyone and is a better option.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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