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Writing Samples
Band 6

some oarents claim that advertisements are misleading for children while other allege that provide useful information. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#oarents #advertisements #children #information
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Advertising on
television
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 has opened a gate to promoting their brands and reaching people easily. But people believe that it has some negative effects on their
children
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,
although
Linking Words
 some see that it has some useful information. Both views will be discussed briefly below, and I will state my opinion
at the end
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. The first point to establish is that advertisements on
television
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 have some beneficial impact on
children
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. To illustrate, nowadays
children
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 spend their spare time watching
television
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, and by doing so, they encounter numerous promotions on the screen.
As a result
Linking Words
, it led them to know about the products available in the market for them.
For instance
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, my
neighbor's
Change the spelling
neighbour's
show examples
 child bought a book on the Harry Potter series, which was launched in markets
last
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 week.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people believe that branding products on
television
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 is misleading for their
children
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. Young minds learn a lot of things by watching their surroundings.
Also
Linking Words
, they are quicker learners than adults.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 are easily manipulated by false advertising, which can cause serious health-related issues for them.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will make them trapped in a bad imaginary world. To expand
this
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, individuals with low mental health are a result of manipulation in their early days. So, it has major health-related drawbacks.
To conclude
Linking Words
, advancements in branding through televisions and radios have reached a way better position in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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society, which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 both beneficial and non-beneficial impacts on
children
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 and youngsters. In my perspective, those with the ability to think and make decisions on their own will have a positive effect from
this
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,
although
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 spoon-fed
children
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 will have a negative effect on the same.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use topic sentences to establish this at the beginning of the paragraph.
task achievement
Develop your main points by providing more concrete examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentence structures to enhance the range of grammar and coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your personal opinion, providing more detailed reasoning and examples.
task achievement
Try to maintain a balanced discussion throughout the essay before providing your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
To better connect ideas, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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