IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

#minutes #topic #food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
A lot of production
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 consist
high
Change preposition
of high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
, which causes many health problems. The
price
 of
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
a sugary
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should be made
more high
Replace the words
higher
show examples
 to force
people
 to consume less
sweet
Fix the agreement mistake
sweets
show examples
. In my opinion, I do disagree with that
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
show examples
 because
people
 are addicted
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sugary
products
 and
Correct your spelling
increasing
inceasing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
sugar
 which is a majority of the main dish will lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge market inflation.
Firstly
,
people
 are sticking with sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
, increasing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
price
 won't change the high amount of
sugar
 consumption.
In other words
,
people
 will keep buying the
products
 because sugary
food
 is already their main dish,
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sweet
food
 is part of
original
Correct article usage
the original
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food
 in some
culture
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cultures
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.
For example
, In Java, every
food
taste
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tastes
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 sweet
such
 as Gudeg
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and Nasi Goreng
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 core
indegerients
Correct your spelling
independents
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
sugar
.
Thus
, the sugary
food
 is already attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Instead
,
people
 should be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 intake. The government can make seminars or
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 to build
Correct your spelling
awareness
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Secondly
, the higher
price
 of
sugar
products
 would make less income
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals or companies
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to huge market inflation.
In addition
, sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 are high demand in the market where the
price
 should be stable. In short, if the government decided to increase the
price
,
people
 will suffer to afford it.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia's inflation
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 by 5.0% which is the biggest rate in ASIA because of
increased
Add an article
the increased
show examples
price
 of
food
 and drink.
Thus
, the solution of high sugary
products
 will have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and lead
people
 to poverty. To conclude,
although
, some
Correct your spelling
suggest
sugest
Correct your spelling
suggest
 sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should be made more expensive to encourage
people
 to
consumer
Replace the word
consume
show examples
 less
sugar
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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I disagree because
people
 get often
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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consume their authentic
sugar
food
 and it would lead to
worsen
Change the verb form
worsening
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economy. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the government should make
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
 awareness campaign to introduce
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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