IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that because the internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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total access to any kind of information is able through
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and anyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 get any kind of information that he or she needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is an opinion that
schools
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 have not to teach students to know the
fact
Fix the agreement mistake
facts
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 but to teach
skills
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, communication and realize their potential. I mostly agree with that opinion but I think that learning of
facts
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 is an important part of
education
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. As far as I am concerned, learning
of
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apply
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soft
skills
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 is one of the most important aspects of school
education
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. Today, soft
skills
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 are often more necessary for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working and producing goods and services than hard
skills
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.
Team
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Teamwork
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work
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 and analysis,
for instance
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, are undeniably two of the most required
skills
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 for
the
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apply
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project
work
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. To build an effective and useful supportive
work
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, people ought to know how to communicate with each other, and how to evaluate other's
work
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,
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apply
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 and be able to give
a
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apply
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reliable feedback.
Thus
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,
schools
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 have to focus on teaching
skills
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 and communication to make students more reliable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
work
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.
On the other hand
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, studying
of
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apply
show examples
the
facts
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 develops not only fuel to apply
skills
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 but
also
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 soft
skills
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as
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such as
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 memorizing. Many
skills
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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might not be applied without basic
knowledge
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 in the area of application,
similarly
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, to learn
skills
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 usually
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 good memorization.
For example
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, to communicate effectively during the project
work
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, important to memorize the
facts
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 from the done research to be able to operate with the
knowledge
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 automatically;
to
Correct word choice
and to
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 apply analysis
skills
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 needed to understand the field of
the
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apply
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knowledge
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 as statistics or management.
Therefore
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,
facts
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 are not the most important but still necessary part of school
education
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. In conclusion, from my point of view, accessibility to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 allowed
schools
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 to change their focus
of
Change preposition
on
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children
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children's
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education
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.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 may change their main focus from hard
skills
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as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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knowledge
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 to soft
skills
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as
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such as
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 communication and analysis but not
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
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 about studying
facts
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 at all.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, with sentences that logically flow from one to another. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, referencing words) to link ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Your response should fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you provide a clear position throughout the response (your opinion). Make sure to develop your main points with explanations and support them with relevant examples.
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