IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages
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Some individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
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believe that
music
Use synonyms
 has
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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on
Correct your spelling
own
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way
Add an article
the way
a way
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 of bringing different
people
Use synonyms
 together . in my personal
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 together because
music
Use synonyms
 is a universal language
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means you do not have to understand every single word to understand the meaning .
music
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 is a language that
everyone
Use synonyms
 can understand
music
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 has no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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color
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colour
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, Age or religion , so
everyone
Use synonyms
 can enjoy it say in way. it doesn't matter what
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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your ethnicity wealth or living
music
Use synonyms
 can't touch
everyone
Use synonyms
's heart .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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 Indian
music
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 is very popular in Sri Lanka and other countries even without knowing the real meaning and
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 goes
English
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for English
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music
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.
music
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 is a powerful
Correct your spelling
language
langyage
Correct your spelling
language
 that can bring peace to
everyone
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
music
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 is
medicine
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 . they are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
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so many doctors in
scientist
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scientists
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recommended
Correct pronoun usage
who recommended
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 as the treatment for
Add an article
the patient
a patient
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patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
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. For
instant
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an instant
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, doctors
use
Use synonyms
 it
for
Change preposition
to
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 calm
people
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 , because
music
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 can come
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
to people
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 very easily and fast
also
Linking Words
music
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 can
use
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 as sleeping
medicine
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 .
However
Linking Words
,
people
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use
Use synonyms
 it as
medicine
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
for
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 thousand
years
Change preposition
of years
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 .
Although
Linking Words
 it can
use
Use synonyms
 for
Add an article
the animal
an animal
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 while animals are sensitive
for
Change preposition
to
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 some kind of
music
Use synonyms
 .
finally
Linking Words
, it is always not a good way to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together, because there is some racist
music
Use synonyms
 in some countries. sometimes, few songs
use
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 words that
inappropriate
Add a missing verb
are inappropriate
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 for children. In conclusion, most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 together, since it can
use
Use synonyms
 as
medicine
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 and it is universal language
music
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 for good things and definitely bring us
a peace
Remove the article
peace
a feeling of peace
a sense of peace
a wave of peace
show examples
 if we
use
Use synonyms
 it correctly.
Submitted by hasitha9610s on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
What to do next:
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