IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that if a police force carries guns, it would cause a high level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recent years have witnessed that violent cases are happening frequently in the community,
while
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 the public has been discussing whether police officers carrying weapons lead to riots or not. From my perspective, I firmly believe that
this
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 is a necessity and it will maintain peace
instead
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 of violence in current society.
To begin
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 with, it may be a misunderstanding when the public observes strangers bringing along a wide variety of weapons. There is no denying that citizens may feel frustrated or worried when seeing people wandering around with deadly machinery. Recent reports from China have cited that the crime rate has dramatically increased around the globe. As an example, robberies and killing innocents could be seen in
media
Correct article usage
the media
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,
likewise
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, the public thinks that violence could be potentially happening when seeing forces using guns.
Therefore
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, overreactions towards crime might be a reason why
current
Correct word choice
apply
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people are afraid of seeing cops nowadays.
On the other hand
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, despite security being guaranteed, residents cannot feel protected without proper evidence. It is well-known that citizens have the privilege of peace and quiet in their daily lives,
however
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, in spite of the increasing number of officers to guard the city, fatal incidents can still be happening.
Consequently
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, the government should take
up
Change preposition
apply
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measures in order to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
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 residents' stress.
For instance
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, promises and actions made by the security departments can be acquired and guaranteed, meanwhile, strict laws can be enforced immediately to decrease the crime rate in one's city.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt that current fateful incidents may affect the mental behaviour of residents.
In addition
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, citizens may reduce frustration when seeing police officers, inasmuch as they enhance the security level and keep their promises.

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task response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task. However, it can be further improved by providing more specific and relevant examples to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, with a clearly presented introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting main points could be further developed and connected to improve coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • law enforcement
  • escalate
  • deter
  • overreaction
  • perceived safety
  • misuse of power
  • deterrent effect
  • law and order
  • public safety
  • crime prevention
  • civil liberties
  • use of lethal force
  • accountability
  • arms race
  • militarization
  • social fabric
  • statistical evidence
  • cultural attitudes
  • criminal behavior
  • policy implications
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