IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

#parts #world #research #history #people #development
Learning the history of own family is the newest trend in modern society.
People
 are really curious to know where their roots came from. Especially, the population of the continents changed and
people
move
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 across the world because of wars, colonisation, climate change and economic circumstances. Literally, the new generation does not know their parent's culture. Some believe
this
 situation has a negative impact, but they are more positive influences on
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
People
 were forced to immigrate
due to
 numerous reasons like colonisation. Mainly, after the
industrial
Capitalize word
Industrial
show examples
,revolution some countries tried to reach economic resources to improve their development.
Therefore
 ,they forced
people
 to change their places and they
slaved
Verb problem
enslaved
show examples
people
. To illustrate, America and Europe include many African citizens.
Additionally
, war is another reason for the
people
's movement.
Moreover
, harsh environmental conditions and economic turmoils can influence
people
 to move to other places.
Thus
, members of the society who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 born are not able to know their own tongue and culture as well. A part of the community believes new generations should be adapted to their own society. And
people
 should not learn about the past of their own ancestors, because they will emotionally be badly impacted.
For example
, if the past of the family was not good and their family had struggles in the past, they would have adaptation problems in the community.
On the other hand
, learning the history of the family has numerous benefits.
For example
,
people
 have a chance to learn about new cultures
such
 as foods, tongues, and social information. Because learning data about the past
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 able to help members to set a strong future and communities.
İn
Correct your spelling
In
 conclusion,
although
 the past families had bad memories, the gains will be more. Modern communities can be settled by experiences.
Submitted by evren on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly and coherently. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively address the topic. Use relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Use transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas and create a more cohesive flow. Consider the logical progression of your ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genealogy
  • Heritage
  • Ancestry
  • Lineage
  • Descendants
  • Forebears
  • Pedigree
  • Dynasty
  • Progenitors
  • Ethnicity
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Familial ties
  • Archival records
  • Hereditary
  • Kinship
  • Self-identity
  • Patriarchy/Matriarchy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: