IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres as a result of population growth. How does this affect the environment and the people’s lifestyle? Discuss this situation and provide relevant examples.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 use has been a topical subject of debate. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, many lands are being transformed from agricultural lands to commercial centres due to an
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore the cause of the phenomenon and suggest measures to redress it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are various appealing grounds
why
Change preposition
for why
show examples
 large amounts of economic districts cause negative impacts on the
people
Use synonyms
 and nature. Clearly, a shortage of the farming area can make the issue of insufficient
food
Use synonyms
 supply. According to a recent survey, the Korean government announced that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 price was increased due to the minimize of the place for agriculture.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lower proportion of framing
places
Use synonyms
 hinder
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 biodiversity of animals because they lost their habitat.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 offers strong proof that there are various disadvantages when
people
Use synonyms
 change
land
Use synonyms
 from agricultural areas to commercial
places
Use synonyms
. Despite the abovementioned view, I contend that there are ways to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue.
First
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can preserve the
land
Use synonyms
 for agriculture by assigning it as a
protection
Replace the word
protected
show examples
 area.
For example
Linking Words
,
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 developing agricultural
places
Use synonyms
 in some proportion,
people
Use synonyms
 can obtain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diverse
food
Use synonyms
 without depending on
import
Fix the agreement mistake
imports
show examples
.
Second
Linking Words
, building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green
places
Use synonyms
 in the central city can help to protect the animals and plants.
Therefore
Linking Words
, defining some part of the
land
Use synonyms
 as a development limit area not only can protect the environment but
also
Linking Words
 give benefits for
food
Use synonyms
 supply. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 constructing economical cities are necessary, I definitely believe that
people
Use synonyms
 need to preserve greenery place for the environment and the citizen's lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: