More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

#people #cars #transportation #over-reliance

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It is observed that the number of people who

depends

Correct subject-verb agreement

depend

show examples

on their own motor vehicle as the main transportation is significantly increasing. There are some problems that can be caused by

this

phenomenon, but there are

also

some solutions to tackle the issue.

Such

a phenomenon results in many problems. the first problem would be the environmental issues. The more private motor vehicle is used, the more atmosphere pollution can be caused.

For example

, every transportation releases carbon dioxide when they are moved, and it causes atmosphere corruption.

Moreover

, if people choose not public

transportations

Fix the agreement mistake

transportation

show examples

but their own motor vehicle, the number of rides which is moved has increased.

Therefore

, more CO2 would be released by it. The second one is transport congestion.

For instance

, the number of private rides which are used is too much compared with the limited road and in the end, it causes trouble

such

as transport congestion.

Nevertheless

, there are some keys which can solve it. The first solution is that encourage the public to use public transport. It reduces not only air corruption but

also

traffic

jam

Fix the agreement mistake

jams

show examples

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

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the independence of the private ones. The second key is encouraging the public to use electric cars, which utilize electricity for fuel. It

makes

Verb problem

reduces

show examples

air corruption

be reduced

Verb problem

apply

show examples

, reducing the release of CO2. The

last

key is widening the road. It decreases traffic jams by increasing the amount of treating transportation. In conclusion,

although

relying on their private ride

makes

Verb problem

creates

show examples

lots of problems, they can be solved by doing

such

things mentioned above.

Thus

, the public should be encouraged to do

such

things.

Submitted by eomjimin0711 on Tue Aug 16 2022

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Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence, consider organizing the essay with clearer paragraph transitions and signposting the different sections more explicitly. This will help the reader follow your argumentation more easily.

Task Achievement

Add more specific examples to further support your points. This will help create a stronger argument and provide clearer justification for your claims.

Task Achievement

Clarify and simplify some of the sentences, particularly in the body paragraphs, to maintain clarity and comprehensibility. This will help make sure your ideas are communicated effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which provides a good overview of the topic and sums up your arguments effectively.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses both the problems and potential solutions, offering a well-rounded discussion of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The use of multiple solutions and the attempt to discuss environmental issues shows good awareness of important aspects of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Over-reliance
Transportation
Environmental degradation
Air pollution
Greenhouse gas emissions
Noise pollution
Traffic congestion
Urban sprawl
Natural resources
Fossil fuels
Sedentary lifestyle
Public transportation
Carpooling
Ridesharing
Urban planning
Mixed-use developments
Commutes

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More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people think that ambition is essential for success. To what extent do you agree?

Although many people value public parks, some argue that this space could be better used for housing or businesses to support the growing population and economy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole.Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government，while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.